"All Tickets Have Been Distributed"

This season I've noticed that Bob Miller announces Kings home game "sellouts" by saying "all tickets have been distributed" for the game instead of actually saying a home game is a sellout.  There are plenty of ways for a team to distribute tickets instead of actually selling them, but I think this current method is a bit much (the red outline is my emphasis):

"Complimentary"...more like "oh shit, it's a game against Columbus! We desperately need to fill seats so please, please, please, please take these free tickets AND come to the game! Or since we're giving them to you for FREE you could SELL them and actually make money off of us!"

First game back from the All-Star break and it's against Columbus....can't say I'm thrilled and apparently neither can the LA Kings Marketing Department.

Mid-Season Check-up of the Team LA Store

You guys, have you seen what's new in the Kings section of the Team LA Store?

If you haven't visited the online store lately, then you are seriously missing out on some true gems. I have no doubt that we've recovered from holiday shopping sprees so it's time to blow our money on some hideous fan gear!

First of all, I'm truly disappointed that the store is no longer selling the Ladies Player T-Shirts. I even went to the Team LA Store at Staples Center on a random Friday during lunch and they only had the t-shirt in 2XL.....not cool. And now I can't even overpay for it online.

Instead, the Team LA Store is selling some gawd-awful shit like the "LA Kings Ladies Super Fan III Burnout T-shirt - Shield" for $41 (see below for photo). $41 for a cotton shirt! But you can actually save $7 if you buy the version with a crown on the back, Whew! $35 is so much more reasonable for a cotton shirt that I am pretty sure is of pretty shitty quality. Ask yourself this question: "Is a shield really worth $7 extra dollars?"  Or for that matter: "Will wearing the crown make you feel like a cheap ass because you couldn't fork over the extra $7 for the 'official' logo of this season?"

Don't worry male fans, the shitty overpriced fan gear isn't solely available to women. If you're a middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis wondering if you should drop tens of thousands of dollars on a sports car that you'll look utterly ridiculous driving in the hopes of attracting a younger woman, then fear not! For the low, low price of $325, you could be the proud owner of a true LA Kings leather jacket:

images taken from the Team LA Store, although if I were them, I wouldn't want the credit.  what a hot mess.

Wear it in style, old man! That is pure luscious leather. Work it! And don't be fooled by the model; there is no way someone that young and vaguely attractive would be caught dead wearing that jacket so you don't need to worry about any competition from the younger crowd.  Also, is that female model Alyssa Milano?  I can't tell because she's totally irrelevant in my humble opinion, so I'm not entirely sure what she looks like, but I do know she's been designing fan clothing for women and some of it ain't too great.

The other problem I have with that shirt is I can't tell if it's see-through or if the graphic is just messed up, because you can clearly see the model's pants through the shirt.  And what is up with the 'burnout' design.  It's hideous?  Oh, and another thing: is the shirt really black/grey on the front and then white on the back?  It's like you're wearing two completely different shirts!  You know how on 'Project Runway' when the designers put together a separates outfit that looks terrible and the judges crucify them because they don't understand the outfit and the top and bottom just don't go together and it just doesn't make sense?  That's this shirt, except that instead of worrying about your top not matching what you're wearing on bottom, the back of your shirt doesn't belong with the front of your shirt whatsoever. This might as well have been a fucking crafts project you put together.  And it'll cost you $41!!!!!  What an effing ripoff.

01/19/12: Sutter v. Sutter

IT'S ROUND 2 OF SUTTER V. SUTTER!

CAN YOU FEEL THE INTENSITY*?

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS MATCH-UP ALL GAME LONG!

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?

I PICK SUTTER!

*guess what, Canada and Fox Sports?  No one gives a shit about this stupid coaching "rivalry" or "match-up" or whatever the hell you call it.  Could you tell how confused the players were whenever they were asked whether this coaching match-up was talked about in the locker room?  Why the hell would the players care?  The only thing they should be worrying about is figuring out how to score more than 2 goals! Why are you focusing on the coaches when there are more important things to talk about, like Penner Pancakes?  Oh wait, that's not important AT ALL and by the way it's old news!  Why the EFF are you also still fixated on that too?  As I told my husband during the game against the Oilers: "The Penner Pancakes story is still big news in Canada because it's Canada and they don't have anything else to talk about."  Sheesh, Canada is the worst.  Just the worst.

Dear Drew Doughty...

Dear Drew Doughty,

Please stop diving.

It's embarrassing to watch.

You almost never get the call anyway.

It makes it more difficult for me to make fun of other players for diving when you do it so egregiously.

You're such a talented player; there's no need for you to embellish.

Just stop it.

Thanks,
Marie

Kings Fans Express Sweet Sentiments on Twitter

So the Kings totally shat the bed today against the Columbus Blue Jackets. I don't know what was more embarrassing:

• Making the Blue Jackets look really good
• Taking 7 penalties
• Going 0 for 8 on the power play
• Not scoring in regulation for the second consecutive game
• Giving Curtis Sanford a shutout
• Losing to the worst team in the league

I was trying so hard to not get upset throughout the entire game. It's too bad this was an afternoon game, because I probably would have played a drinking game (by myself) if this was a night game.

Drink every time one of these things happen:

• A penalty is called
• Kings don't score on the power play
• Sutter inappropriately touches a player on the bench
• Sutter makes bitter beer face
• Dustin Brown falls down
• Bob Miller sounds pissed about the way the Kings are playing
• Jim Fox tries to explain the Kings are playing marginally better under Sutter
• You laugh whenever you hear 'Clitsome'
• Jack Johnson rips a shot that either goes way wide or way high

Sheesh, I would have been dead by the 2nd period.

Let's see what some Kings fans thought about the game. I bet they were barely even paying attention since it was an afternoon game:

@kingscast Embarrassing "effort"

@LAKingsOutsider Somehow the #lakings lack of scoring now is still Terry Murray's fault right?

@islas66 The #lakings score less than a guy at a lesbian bar! Damn!!!!

@everydayreggie When you go 0 for 8 on the power play and get shut out at home by the worst team in hockey, it should count as two losses

@RyanResella The coach who is in charge of the #LAKings power play.. yeah they should do something about that

@Craiiiiiig21 Every #LaKings game is equivalent of watching a futbol match.

@Boski93 Jonathan Quick should be suing the Kings for lack of support. Arrrrrrrrgghhh #nhl #LAKings #scoresomegoalskings #quickseffortswastedagain

@LibrosOverHos God, it feels like this warmup skate has been going on for hours. I can't wait for the #LAKings game to actually start.

@ArthurKlages #LAKings couldn't score against Columbus! COLUMBUS! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@enmac502 sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #lakings

I feel ya, @enmac502!

Good times, Kings fans! I'm really glad Twitter is around for fans to collectively express their disgust, hatred, disappointment, and rage about their beloved sports team. It really makes it so easy to be passive-aggressive. If you ever find yourself about to blow a gasket because the team you love is shitting the bed, just turn to Twitter, search your team's hashtag and have a good hearty laugh at all the wonderfully clever tweets from your fellow fans.

The LA Kings Are Rolling Four Lines

When the rumors were swirling around the interwebs in early December that Darryl Sutter would be the new head coach of the Los Angeles Kings, I didn't really know what to think other than I didn't think Terry Murray should be fired.  I read a bunch of articles and blog posts about the type of coach Darryl Sutter had been in the past and, while at least one hockey analyst thought it was a good hiring by Dean Lombardi, most did not think Sutter was the appropriate coach to replace Murray.  The word I kept reading and hearing over and over to describe Sutter was "intense" and he was commonly described as emphasizing a defense-first mindset among his players, which is exactly the type of coach Terry Murray was.  The best descriptive piece I read about Sutter was by Mike Chen, a long-time San Jose Sharks fan and former full-time, now occasional hockey blogger at SB Nation. The part that struck me the most was this paragraph:

At the same time, Sutter's Sharks regularly rolled four lines regardless of situation. After all, the team was built in his image, and they would work-work-work regardless of the score. That mentality proved to be a blessing and a curse, and while it brought success to the Craven-Matteau days, it regressed a roster with greater talent. A perfect in-game example of this was Game 6 of the 2001's first-round series against St. Louis. Down by one goal and facing elimination, Sutter failed to stack his lineup with his scoring forwards. Instead, he had his fourth line out here during the critical moment, and while guys like Mark Smith and Todd Harvey were fine in their roles, it seemed completely nonsensical to have them on the ice when the entire season was on the line.

Mike Chen's description of Sutter's 'roll four lines' coaching style is exactly what we're seeing with the LA Kings. So far, it's been working.  However, I have minor-to-major heart palpitations when I see the 4th line on the ice with 5 minutes left in a tight game where the Kings are holding onto the lead, or when someone like Colin Fraser is on the penalty kill, or, the 4th line is on the power play, but the Kings have yet to lose in regulation under Sutter.  He's definitely instilling a cohesive team mentality, but I wonder if he will break from this coaching style when the Kings are fighting for every point down the stretch to clinch a playoff spot or are trying to come back or maintain a lead in a playoff game.  You want your best players on the ice in key moments, right?  I wonder how long this strategy will last.

So Much Love for HBO '24/7: Road to the Winter Classic'

I've been debating whether or not I should write a review of Season 2 of '24/7 Flyers/Ranger: Road to the Winter Classic' since everyone and their mother have written about it. I finally decided to write one because I actually haven't read any reviews for this season since I've been watching the episodes a day after they air and I don't want anyone to ruin my viewings (spoiler alert: THEY PLAY HOCKEY!). So I figure at least my review won't be tainted by anyone's views.

First of all, I think a disclaimer is in order: Despite my tendency to bitch and moan in detail about certain shows, I purely love everything about '24/7' and I just can't bring myself to critique the minutiae as other hockey fans may do and did with the first season of '24/7'. I am fully aware that I am watching these episodes through rose-colored glasses, which is why my opinion of the show may be so high.

There have been two big surprises for me after watching the first three episodes of 24/7 this year:

1. Peter Laviolette is a total hard-ass and I had NO IDEA he was like this. Maybe it's because I first came to know of him when he was the coach of the Carolina Hurricanes and the team always seems like a family-friendly team. Or maybe it's because of the rumors swirling around dry island, which in my head made him seem like a family-friendly guy who wants a PG-rated locker room. Apparently, I WAS WAY OFF! He is so fucking intense and I love every single scene he's in.
2. I've grown to actually "like" the New York Rangers and Philadelphia Flyers, which I didn't think was humanly possible. I don't mean "like" in the sense that I'll ever be rooting for them on a nightly basis, but rather in a way that I really enjoy watching them in this series, eagerly anticipating what new storylines will be introduced. Before the 2011-2012 NHL season started I was sorta dreading this year's '24/7' because I've never been a fan of either of these teams. I was only looking forward to seeing Torts fly off the handle and seeing confrontations between Avery and anybody (which by the way, hasn't really happened....very disappointed). But I think HBO does a great job of humanizing these guys and seeing them off the ice is more exciting to me than seeing them battle on the ice. I'm sure I'll go back to hating these teams as soon as they play the LA Kings, but for now, I really enjoy watching these two teams.

Here are my thoughts on some of the players and coaches who have been
featured on 24/7:

Wayne Simmonds
I shouted "SIMMONDS!!!!" every time Wayne Simmonds was featured.....that is, until he totally bitch-slapped Los Angeles when he said he's happy to have been traded to Philadelphia because it's a much better hockey town. 'Oh shut up, Wayne! Stop playing it up for the Philly fans!" (oh who am I kidding, I still love him.) But is it just me or has it seemed like he's tearing it up offensively with the Flyers? Well, shit, maybe Terry Murray really wasn't bringing out his full potential.

Ilya Bryzgalov
So......I think we can all agree that Ilya Bryzgalov is totally cray-cray. It's one thing to see short clips of him in post-game interviews, but it's an entirely different experience seeing him go off the deep end with his philosophical musings. I'm really interested to see how he's featured in the last episode since it was announced he's not playing in the Winter Classic.

Peter Laviolette
Despite the fact that's he completely different than I imagined, I still think he's so awesome! I loved how he handled the Steve Ott situation with the HBO crew by BLATANTLY DENYING knowing what they were asking him in regards to his altercation with Ott. He had to have known the crew had everything on audio, yet still acted like nothing happened while having a slight smirk on his face. I also got a kick out of his conversation with Scott Hartnell when he congratulated the forward for getting 200 goals, which were 200 more than he had. When Hartnell looked surprised that his coach never got any goals in the NHL, Laviolette admitted that he played 12 games in the NHL and got 0 points. Funny though that Laviolette didn't reveal to Hartnell that he played those 12 games with the New York Rangers.

John Tortorella
I definitely did not expect Torts to come off as the softer coach, but somehow he has. The storyline featuring his relationship with the kid who has cystic fibrosis was incredibly heart-warming. But he has still provided us with some awesome quotes. My favorite is the one where he yelled at Marion Gaborik on the bench asking him whether or not he was "going to stomp on the puck".

Jaromir Jagr
There's just something so surreal about seeing Jagr in '24/7'. Maybe it's because he's one of the few guys I grew up following who is still playing in the league. Or maybe it's because he's been out of the upper echelon of the NHL for quite some time, but is now back in the limelight. Or it could be this charm about him that is evident when he's being interviewed or conversing with his teammates. I'm sure there are hockey fans who want to throw daggers through their TV whenever he's featured, but I've never felt "betrayed" by his hockey decisions or actions, so I'm glad he's been featured.

Brian Boyle & Brandon Prust
I didn't know anything about Prust before the show and even wondered who he was at the beginning. I never really appreciated Brian Boyle's hockey skill set when he was with the LA Kings and I haven't been following his career with the Rangers, but his off-ice personality is hilarious! Maybe being from such a big family has something to do with his acting like a big kid. I about died when I saw him dressed as an elf. I think I would pay money to see him reenact the movie Elf.

Ryan Callahan
Good ol' American boy! Can't wait till the 2014 Olympics when he'll be leading USA to a gold medal! (Gary Bettman has to allow the NHL players to participate in the Olympics!! He just has to!!)

Brad Richards
I didn't expect to like Richards very much, but he seems to be a great teammate and leader. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing him talk shit to Tom Sestito, telling him that playing in the NHL must be like "fantasy camp" for him. ZING!

There are other moments in the series that I really enjoyed such as, chirping between the players, chirping with the refs, seeing Marian Gaborik carry home a Christams tree, seeing Claude Giroux go through the concussion test, getting an inside look of the refs talking during intermission (and how sad is their "dressing room"! it looks like a large closet.), getting the audio of Laviolette & Ott's altercation, Ott telling Giroux to check NHL.com for his faceoff stats, Callahan's super adorable grandmother, the look Avery gave Anisimov as he entered the Rangers locker room, every single one of Laviolette's conversations, and every single one of Torts' crazy, amped up, but motivational talks to his players.

I doubt the NHL takes the '24/7' show into consideration when they select the teams that will participate in the Winter Classic, but I hope in the next couple years to come, if HBO still does this show, that teams that haven't been on '24/7' are selected to participate so we can learn about more players and coaches. When I think about it, it does seem silly to use '24/7' as a deciding factor, but on one hand I can see the NHL viewing that '24/7' as a promotional tool and you want to feature as many players and new storylines as you possibly can. Of course I would love to see my LA Kings featured in '24/7', but I highly doubt the LA Kings will be asked to participate in the Winter Classic.  But if HBO can make the Rangers and Flyers likable, then I have no worries about future '24/7' series.