2013 Season: I'm still not happy

I have refrained from writing so far this season because the NHL Lockout completey sapped my enthusiasm for The Cup victory (and subsequent celebrations), the LA Kings, and hockey in general. Of course, I will always LOVE hockey and my Kings, but I was and still am so pissed off at the NHL Commissioner, owners, and players. I have no idea who to hate more or who to blame for half a season of hockey, so instead my disgust is dispersed evenly among everyone. In the end, I have to remember the NHL is a business and the owners need to be able to at least try and turn a profit and the players have their right to be paid what they are worth (or what they think they are worth; hey, I'm sure all of us at one point bitched about our salary and benefits). However, I am most upset that a new agreement took as long as it did. I think it is incredibly inexcusable that all involved parties could not come to an agreement before the season should have started. It makes me wonder: why the heck do I love a business this much?

As much as I love hockey and the LA Kings, I have decided not to buy any tickets to games this season. That Drew Doughty jersey I've been pining over for the past several seasons? It can wait. In fact, I was going to put a moratorium on all spending this season, but I couldn't pass up the chance to purchase this gaudy bastard:

awwwwww shhhiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt! That ring looks DAMN FINE on my hand!

The Cup ring is so awesome it ate my wedding ring AND engagement ring.

Well worth the $25.

I wouldn't have gotten it at all if it hadn't been for my hermano's burning desire to have one himself. I didn't even know such an item existed until he texted me one day asking if I could stop by the Team LA Store to get him one (and he even offered to pay for mine). Unfortunately, I was out of town for the next few days and, of course, all things Stanley quickly sold out. Thankfully the Kings re-stocked their store and my hermano was heading to the next game so he bought four.  FOUR! Seriously, after the initial text conversation I was beginning to worry he was going to turn into the Hulk and race up the 110 in a fit of rage determined to get his hands on a replica Cup ring, which actually looks nothing like the actual LA Kings Stanley Cup ring (am I the only one bothered by this??? I'm not even talking about the diamonds.  Where is the huge Kings logo?). Anyway, I'm still happy with the ring and my hermano is definitely happy. He doesn't have to troll ebay. He doesn't have to fret over buying a counterfeit. Yes, these were all concerns he had.

And about that half season of hockey? Yeah, it sure does look like the season started haphazardly. Glad to see most of the Kings kept their Cup celebrations going during the lockout as opposed to training for the eventual start to the season. A lot of the games have been a wee bit painful to watch. The Kings will be lucky to make it into the playoffs this year......wait, I seem to recall saying that last year.

Kings v. Ducks (Third Period) - Live Blogging!

(Second Intermission)

Stoll’s grandmom is awesome – she reminds me of Happy Gilmore’s grandma.  “You didn’t pay your taxes, grandma?!”

These “Secondhand smoke is a killer” commercials are awesome – I wish my secondhand smoke morphed into a hot chick with jugs who immediately performs a striptease.  Too much to ask?  

(Third Period)

Okay, that’s better – I’ve got my replica Stanley Cup Champions ring on, which means it’s time to win.

Bob talking about Teemu being 42 and still rocking.  Wife asked if he’s the one Duck I actually like.  Yes, it’s really difficult not to like Teemu, especially if you were collecting hockey cards back in the day and was stoked to get a Teemu Upper Deck rookie card.

Sweet giveaway by Nolan on the 2 on 1.  Come on, Nolan, just rip it, like your fists.

I’d like to modify Bob Miller’s pronunciation of Jonathan Bernier to “Beyrn-neeyay.”

Hiller giving up the juiciest rebound off Kopitar’s shot – and just stays in the butterfly, waiting for Brown to shoot it.  Jim Fox calls Hiller’s movement “calm and relaxed” – I call it “Derrrrrrrpppp…”

                                                                  

Penner has been absolutely invisible since drawing that penalty in the first period.  So has Lewis, Clifford, Carter, and Fraser (not surprising). 

Kopitar with a rare two-penalty game.  Not his finest effort to say the least.  I think he’s just pissed that Bobby Ryan hasn’t said Hello since the puck dropped in the first period. 

Sutter with a classic open-mouthed blank stare from the bench – I think he’s wondering who’s that guy with the white mask in the Kings’ net.

[resisting all urges to comment on Anaheim’s power play…]

My buddy’s girlfriend was a Ducks fan.  I’m so glad they broke up.

And there it is – what a joke.  Bernier stopping the first shot and our defense completely unaware that it’s their job to clear the rebound.

Sweet, the Kings have called a “hat trick timeout” to find out what the fuck is going on.

My god, those are some BOOTY SHORTS on that Ice Girl!  Might have to take a bathroom break right now.  

Bernier Analysis – When our defense lets quick forwards blow by them on the wing, Bernier challenges that forward by coming out of his crease, moving laterally.  The problem is that he’s not quick enough to recover should the forward slide the pass back to the slot.  We haven’t been burned yet, but this might come back to burn us.

Penner with a shitty penalty.  Sutter should just tell him to go straight to the locker room.  The Tale of Two Penners continues.  Can someone tell him that the playoffs start next week?  While you’re at it, can someone tell Brown that there are trade rumors floating around?  Thanks.

Bobby Ryan really selling that slewfoot.

Patrick O’Neal with the NHL injury report.  Michael Chiklis and some skinny Asian dude in the background.

Scuderi with a monster block that probably would’ve shattered a normal person’s leg into a billion shards.

Do you want to know why our penalty kill is sucking balls?  The penalty kill is all about putting pressure on the puckholder – which requires the killers to skate hard and force bad passes.  “Active sticks” is what Jim Fox likes to call it.  Unfortunately, the Kings look like they ran marathons right before the game. 

Drewiske, after taking a puck to the face, shaking it off like a man.  

Bernier almost getting schooled by Selanne while holding the V-H position. 

And just like that, there’s six minutes left.  Hiller doesn’t really deserve this win – instead of a “W” the statistician should give Hiller a “PiN” – Participated in Net.

Ducks are playing “prevent D” right now.

Doughty with a monster shot, blocked by Allen (in the back!) – were it anyone else, they’d be paralyzed.

Upcoming schedule – meh, whatever.  Not looking forward to the Detroit-St. Louis back-to-back.  Can’t wait to see some JMFJ jerseys.

Wow, pulling Bernier with 2:50 left?  In the words of Teddy KGB: “Veeeeeeeeeery aggyresssssive.”

Selanne with an empty netter.  Game.  Blouses.

Well, unless Nolan unleashes some more NOLANFISTS, that’s it for tonight.

Final thoughts:

Kings looked winded and, at times, drunk.  The first period was a joke and we were flat-out lucky to keep it respectable throughout the entire game (until Bonino’s hat trick).  Our defense is atrocious and we were completely exposed by forwards taking it behind the net with speed and finding the creeping forward at the top of the crease.  Hiller sucks, so that’s a relief, but he was better than Quick/Bernier.  This is another one of those “sleep it off and skate hard in practice tomorrow morning” type of games.  What a joke – these are the Stanley Cup Champions?  I keep having to remind myself that we’re fielding essentially the same fucking team (minus Greene and Mitchell – HUGE losses at the blue line) as we did last June.  It’s not like Chicago, who had to blow up their team after they won.  It’s the same guys sucking wind, failing to clear pucks, failing to block shots (except for Doughty and Drewiske’s face), failing to pick up the crashing forward, taking stupid offensive penalties, and just quitting.

We’ll see what kind of team shows up on Tuesday in Columbus. 

Things I’m thankful for: Not having to listen to Brian Hayward for 3 hours.

Much love till my next post.

Kings v. Ducks (Second Period) - Live Blogging!

(First Intermission)

Oh man, Bobby Ryan and Kopitar “texting every day since they’ve been back [from Sweden]” – awwww, that’s sooooo sweet.  I’m thinking they should buy each other those awesome 2” x 3” Valentine’s Day cards and include some “Be Mine” sweethearts candy.  Shit, Valentine’s Day is approaching – time to get serious.

Damn, it’s the “DAVE” commercial.  I never saw that ginger-Dave on “These are the Daves I know” from Kids and the Hall, so I refuse to acknowledge ginger-Dave’s existence.

I don’t get it – Jim Fox and Bob Miller CONSTANTLY flash their Stanley Cup Champions ring (as they should!), but Daryl Evans keeping it bare. 

(Second Period Starts)

 

Allll right, time to start the second period.  Kings with the 5 on 3 advantage for the next 50 seconds.  In other words, time for the Kings to shoot the puck wide for the next 50 seconds. 

What a beauty.  Brown untouched in front and calmly collects the rebound.

Boudreau has to pull Hiller – he looks awful.  On second thought, just kidding – don’t listen!!!

Wow, Hiller still in net.  Thanks!!!

Woah, Bob dropping the old-school “Mighty Ducks” line! I like how he chuckled after that gaffe.

Jesus, when was the last time Hiller collected a rebound?  Did someone tell Hiller during warmups to cross his eyes, and then smacked Hiller in the back of the head?

Man, left-handed goalies freak me the fuck out.  That’s mostly why I absolutely HATED the Mathieu Garon era – well, also because he sucked. 

Holy shit, Nolan is REPPING INDIAN LAND!!! What a badass – Nolan throwing some serious haymakers, but Allen on his knees still throwing back.  Great fight.  Westgarth-WHO?

Fowler doing his “stand up quick after soaking in the hot tub for 30 minutes and pass out” impression.

I’m convinced someone told Doughty that the voters for the Norris Trophy are in attendance today.  He is playing like a man possessed.  Like Forrest Whitaker in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Bernier calmly stoning that breakaway attempt.  No rebound.  Hiller is jelly, brah!

I can’t tell if our defense is simply terrible today, or if our forwards aren’t backchecking worth shit.  I think it’s the latter.

I really think Bob Miller is LOVING the fact that Jon Bernier is in net – mostly so he can use that faux French-Canadian accent in pronouncing it “Ber-neeyay”…

Drewiske almost getting burned on a through-pass, but saved by the linesman. 

This game is getting dull – is Nolan out of the box yet?

Sloppy play by the Kings leading to a near scoring chance on the wraparound and a terrible penalty by Kopitar. 

Good to see Anaheim’s power play is worse than ours.

Man, I forgot how awesome Ber-neeyay is.  Well, maybe it’s not so much him but his white mask. 

Fuck, shame on me for talking trash about Anaheim’s power play.  That one barely trickled in.  My worst nightmare has come true – there has been wayyyyy too much Bro Hymn lately.  Seriously, how did that one trickle in?  Tuck that armpit in, bro!

Well, if I’m Dean Lombardi, I’m keeping Bernier and letting him go for nothing – Sutter isn’t going to start Bernier enough for interested suitors to get a good idea of what they’re getting and, therefore, won’t pay the price we’d want.  So, F it – let Bernier back up Quick the rest of the season and then set him free into the wild.

Is it just me or is Carter just going through the motions? 

Doughty slamming his butt end into the floor – I’m loving the intensity.  Then again, it’s the only display of intensity (other than NOLANFISTS) from this pathetic Kings team.  What a joke of a second period. 

Time to start knocking on Hiller again – although, before I start, I think I’ll give him credit for being the first(?) goalie to rock the gold cage. 

Carter getting his helmet knocked off and then sweeping it into Hiller’s net – that was awesome.  Almost as awesome as the Kings giving up another gimme to Souray right out of the box.  Tie up that fucking trailing forward, for fucks sake.

Wow, I haven’t seen a Kings goalie stickhandle with ease since…

And just like that, Williams goes top cheese and we’re tied!!!

My god, what a bounce – but it’s still Hiller’s fault for not sealing the top shelf (or even the top HALF of the goal) off the post.

Annnnnnddddd, there’s the usual display of stickhandling by a Kings goalie!  Here’s hoping our penalty kill unit blocks some shots this time around – rather, someone other than Norris-contending Doughty.

Hey kids who are budding goaltenders: DO NOT pay attention to anything Jonas Hiller is doing right now.

[resisting urge to talk shit about Anaheim’s power play…]

                                                                

My god, I can’t believe I just did that – what a monster shot by Palmieri (WHO? That’s definitely a deli meat).  Shame on us for not clearing the puck when we had the chance, again. 

Well, if there’s one thing we’re really good at, it’s making Hiller give up awful rebounds for goals…

I think someone switched Hiller’s contacts with contacts to use at 3D movies. 

Speaking of jinxing things, 2:26 to go in the second and no requests to stop watching TV.  This is awesome.

Listen, if the Kings were coming off an OT thriller from Friday night, I wouldn’t feel too bad about the way we’re skating.  But we look slow, out of sync, and pathetic.  Only Hiller is saving us from ourselves.

And that’s it for the second. 

More to follow…

Kings v. Ducks - Live Blogging!

Hermano here.
 

We’re live from the Hermano Spreewell household.  The beauty of being married is that you live with someone who has a much better memory.  The over/under for when I’ll be drawn away from the game to complete some long-forgotten chore is probably 6 minutes into the second period.

Thankfully, I don’t have to do the “pause the game, turn on IHeartRadio, and attempt to sync the game with Nick Nickson and Daryl Evans” veteran move, on account of Fox Sports showing the game on two channels.  I’d like to thank everyone for petitioning their Congressman for convincing Fox Sports that Kings fans would rather “watch” the game on AM 1150 than listen to Bryan Hayward.  Now I know how Lakers-haters feel about Mychal Thompson.

We’re under way!

Woah, Penner with an early shot attempt (that went wide), trying to show everyone he hasn’t lost any steam after sitting in the nose bleeds for three straight games.

I see Sutter has rewarded Mike Richards for his beautiful shootout goal by starting his line.

I’d better not hear Bro Hymn in the next three hours.  Seriously, Warchild.  Isn’t Pennywise from Hermosa?  Shame on you, Orange County.

I hate the Ducks, but mostly for two reasons: (1) Brian Hayward is the worst color commentator in the history of sports and (2) the Ducks won the Cup before we did.  That last one really bugged me prior to June.

Hiller looks rusty – that’s a good sign.

Shit.  Here we go – “WOAAAHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH, WOAHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH!”

Well, enjoy that assist, kid from the LBC.  My god, Bonino (is that a type of salami?) just smoked both Muzzin and Quick.  I think he just earned a shit-load more respect from everyone in the league.

Did our team just come from Happy Hour?  I feel like everyone on the Kings just chugged a stein of beer before warmups.

Williams – great move, great non-finish.  Kinda like his shootout attempt.

Did everyone on the Kings ingest valium?  This is ridiculous.  I’m launching an investigation – I think someone bribed the Kings equipment manager and poured liquid lead into everyone’s skates.

WOAAAAAHHHHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHH!!!!!

Speaking of ears bleeding.

I’d like to welcome Jon Bernier to the 2013 season!!!! UP THAT TRADE VALUE!!!

In all honesty, I love Bernier.  I still remember his first start in London and the sick side-to-side save he had against [insert dude from Anaheim].

Woah, since when did Bernier ditch the Reebok pads?  Let’s hope CCM is the real deal.

Are the Kings able to call a 20 minute time-out?  No?  I’d like to phone a friend, then.

Has a team ever just skated off the rink and into the locker room?  I feel like the Kings might not return to the ice after this TV time out.

Some part of me wishes Jon Quick was wearing a hat that had a photo of the Conn Smythe.  Then again, 2 goals on 3 shots ain’t exactly Conn Smythe numbers. 

Wow, we’ve got possession inside Anaheim’s zone for more than 10 seconds!

Hiller rocking a Koho stick – do they still make those?  Sick.  My first (legit) stick was a Koho.  My first non-legit stick was a Mylec, obviously.  #CaliforniaKid

Jim Fox says “People are buying in to Bruce Boudreau.”  I think that translates to: “People are learning to tune out Bruce Boudreau’s mouth-diarrhea.”

What are the odds that, after drawing that penalty, Penner goes to the bench and asks Sutter “Did you see that?”

I feel like Hiller’s eyes are seeing everything inverted.  Now, if we can only get a shot on goal…

Yup, that was pretty.  Brown with the Kings second straight goal – in two games.

I’m not sure if our power play is rocking, or if the Ducks are just atrocious on the penalty kill.  I have a feeling that question won’t be answered for another six months.

Kings tie it up.  I’m actually positive the Kings scored 5 seconds before that, so we’ll see who they credit with the goal.

See, I told you Hiller is seeing everything inverted.

Do you think Stoll wishes his hair wasn’t so curly?  Or, ladies, does that add to his appeal? 

Patrick O’Neal talking about Mike Richards and his $700 belt.  I guess you have that kind of money lying around for a belt if you wear the same Redneck Rebellion t-shirt 7 days a week.

Whenever I hear $700 belt, I immediately think about Charlie Murphy and his $500 sweater.  “I WANT MOOOOOOORE!!!”  (If you don’t know where that’s from, you’d better youtube the deleted scenes from Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories.

Sick save by Bernier, thanks to a sweet turnover by Penner.  I’ve got a man-boner for Bernier’s white mask – reminds me so much of the old school “Jason” style masks.

I’m loving the tips we’re getting in front of the net – if the Ducks allow us to stand untouched at the top of the crease, we’re gonna get a few more… unless they block 200 shots like Nashville on Thursday.

Jesus, we are getting dominated down below.  Fraser and Clifford, failing to pick up Getzlaf at the top of the crease.  Man, he skated in UNTOUCHED.  My guess is that Fraser and Clifford didn’t want to get Getzlaf’s Hair-AIDS.

[takes break to spend another $200 for tickets to win an authentic LA Kings Stanley Cup Championship ring]

This is officially the worst I’ve seen the Kings play since going up by 4 goals against San Jose in the playoffs two years ago. 

Jim Fox breaking down the Doughty-Selanne “game within the game.”  My guess is that Selanne told Doughty to stay away from his daughter.  [Checks Wikipedia – Selanne’s daughter is 6 years old… Whatever.]

Hiller looks awful.  Did everyone notice that Dan Ellis (the world’s greatest fake Twitter account) got a shutout the other day?  What a pro.  #PayThatManHisMoney

Drewiskie drawing a sweet interference penalty.  I’m guessing Beauchemin told the ref “That guy can’t even skate!”  Interestingly, that’s what the guys who play against my beer league hockey team say when we draw penalties.

End of the first.  Looking forward to 5:59 into the second period.  More to follow…

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade Photos

I can't believe the Stanley Cup Parade was less than a week ago. Shit, the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup less than a week ago too! This week has felt so long, but maybe it's because I've been savoring every moment of the Kings' playoff run. My eyes start to well up every time I think about the playoffs and the Stanley Cup and remind myself that the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup! 

I was looking forward to the Stanley Cup parade so much and was absolutely paranoid that I might have to go on a business trip. Thankfully I was in town and was able to skip out on work early to join the fans who lined up hours before the start of the parade. 

The first thing I noticed as I walked from my office to Figueroa Street was the sheer number of police officers. It seemed a bit outrageous, but I suppose it's understandable that the City wanted to prevent a riot at all costs.

Here is a group of cops

Oh look, more cops....doing nothing.

How about some horsies? What are they called in Canada? Mounties? Hahahahaha!

Regular cops, bike cops, horsie cops. This photos is only missing the segway cops, but they were there.

If only Olympic was always this empty....

I didn't know what to expect of the parade. I've never attended a Lakers Championship parade and have never seen clips of any other NHL Stanley Cup parade. It was great to see each bus crawl down Figueroa and see the boys stand at the front of the bus. I was most touched whenever I saw a player taking photos of the crowd. I never thought about what it would be like on their side. I guess if I was in their shoes, I would have been shit-housed and on the verge of ripping off my jersey and throwing it into the crowd. But for the most part, the Kings were pretty tame....or at least they looked tame.

Trevor Lewis is obviously checking me out. (Hi, Trevor!)

Bob Miller sighting!

Alec Martinez with the perfect pageant wave.

Who knew Luc Robitaille would be the most enthusiastic person on Team Bus 6?

Team Bus 6!

Mike Richards got "thumbs-up" lessons from Bill Clinton.

Matt Greene was the rowdiest player as he held up the Cup for everyone to see.

Who the heck is the guy with the beard?

 As this bus rolled by, Kyle Clifford kept pointing at someone. I'm assuming he was pointing out his next victim because that guy is a beast and feeds off human blood.

"I'm coming after you.  Yeah, you!"

If KFC had looked to this left, then he would have seen this sign:

I am shocked. SHOCKED! that the only marriage proposal sign I saw at the parade was for Kyle Clifford. I mean, seriously, really? Clifford? I'd be scared to be left alone in the same room with him, let alone want to marry him. Dude seems crazy!

After the parade we milled around LA Live before the rally inside Staples Center started. I saw these guys and liked their signs. I think I saw some other people with them. Not sure who made them, but I think they're pretty cool, especially the side with all the names.

Thankfully, my hermano and I got tickets to the rally. Unfortunately, we were facing the backs of everyone and I don't have a telephoto lens, so all the close-ups are photos of the jumbotron. Pretty ghetto, but whatever. It's the experience that matters and believe me, it was fucking awesome!! 

It was funny watching the players walk to their seats. It's just odd seeing the players in their street clothes and being reminded that most of them are in their early 20s! They're just kids! My hermana-in-law couldn't believe how young Jonathan Quick looks and commented that he must be having a great week seeing that he won the Stanley Cup and graduated from high school in the same week. 

The players' speeches were pretty good. Dustin Penner started them off with a humorous, borderline racist speech. I don't know half the shit he said because he was trying to speech Spanish (and get approval from Alec Martinez). Drew Doughty was Drew Doughty. Not quite sure why he gave a speech. Matt Greene made fun of Drew Doughty's inability to speak eloquently for more than 5 seconds. Anze Kopitar got the fans riled up when he mentioned wanting to win the Cup AGAIN! Quick killed it by dropping an unexpected f-bomb...and then a couple more. I'm getting the sense he's one of those guys who curses every fifth word. And Dustin Brown showed how much he has matured over the years as an LA King and delivered a tremendous speech that really made me proud to have him as a captain. It's just inconceivable right now to think his name was even in the trade rumor mill this season. 

I made fun of Darryl Sutter a lot during the season. There is just something so goofy about this guy. But, you know what? He led this team to a Stanley Cup, so he can wear whatever he wants, smile however he wants, talk however he wants, make super awkward fist pumps however often he wants because he'll always go down as the Coach of the Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup Championship team!

Oh Darryl....what are you....oh forget it. You're kind of awesome.

and,

To Dean Lombardi,

You are my hero.

Thank you :)

(oh sweet Hockey Jesus, I just started crying again....)

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade: Jersey Fouls

An emotional blubbering blog post about the Los Angeles Kings winning the Stanley Cup will come at a later date.  First up, we need to discuss the jersey fouls witnessed at the LA Kings Stanley Cup parade.

I met up with my hermano and his friends at around 6th and Figueroa a couple hours before the parade started. A bunch of Kings fans were already lined up and as we walked down a couple blocks I started noticing jersey foul after jersey foul. Since there wasn't much else to photograph, besides bored-looking LAPD officers, I decided to photograph as many jersey fouls as possible as we made our trek down Fig to LA Live.

This first photo isn't exactly a jersey foul, but the first non-Kings jersey I spotted.  Dude, seriously? A Blackhawks jersey? To a Kings Stanley Cup parade? Loser.

Again, this next one is not quite a jersey foul, but it did stop me in tracks.

 And then I felt a bit weird that I was taking a photo of a chick's ass. I just don't get this one. Why would you get "King's Bitch" across the bottom of a sweatshirt? The apostrophe also bothers me (see below for another example) because I think it should be "Kings' Bitch".  Right? It's the "Los Angeles Kings", not the "Los Angeles King".

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have labeled this post "Jersey Fouls", but I had to stop and take a photo of this "vintage" jacket.

 I've never seen this design....and I hope I never do again because it's so freaking hideous! Hahaha, it has buildings (presumably Downtown LA even though the Kings of that era played a lot closer to the beach) and it looks like there are lightning bolts or "Z"s....not quite sure what's going on. I wonder how much he paid for the jacket. Man, I should have asked him where he got it.

Ok folks, our first real jersey foul and there are two in one photo!! I was really excited to take this photo:

I think the one on the left said "C MEYER"....personal name, unacceptable. The one on the right: "THE BUN". I was stumped when I first saw it and it still doesn't make any sense to me. Please leave a comment if you know what or who that's in reference to.

With this next photo, I assume the owner is referring to Kyle Clifford because he is kind of a beast, but I'm not 100% sure since I didn't have the courage to ask her since I was worried she would turn into an animal:

 "ANIMAL"? Really? Before Kyle Clifford, Michael Cammalleri wore #13 and I most definitely would not describe him as an animal.

Here's another two-fer, but one is a jersey foul and the other is a vintage jersey (although I admit I had to look it up).

 "BIG JON" with the double zero number....*vomit*. At first I thought "JOYAL" might be a jersey foul (personal name infraction), but I looked it up and discovered Eddie Joyal was a member of the Los Angeles Kings between 1967 and 1972, so shame on me for not knowing my LA Kings history before I was born.  But seriously, that's a pretty rare jersey to be seen in LA.

I don't know what's going on here.  I assume it's a surname....or his girlfriend's name. Pretty lame without a doubt though.

I saw this "King's Cup" t-shirt a couple times and I'm convinced it's an apostrophe fail. Sure, you could say it's "Dwight King's Cup", but it's not the "King's Cup", it's the "Kings' Cup", as in the "Los Angeles Kings' Cup". I don't think this is an official NHL licensed merchandise:

Why would you wear this shirt?

 I guess at least the guy is honest about it.

The next two photos are of the same guy. First up is his tattoo on the back of his calf.

 I'm not sure how I feel about this tattoo.  It's just an odd location for it.

But nice purse, bro. 

Good times, Kings fans! Thanks for keeping me entertained during the 2-hour plus wait for the parade. Let's do it again soon! :)

A Classy and Scholarly Discussion About the Clowe Incident

Hermano here.

Looks like we've got about 19 hours before the puck drops, so let's revisit the Clowe Incident.

These are actual emails from men in their 30’s, discussing the Clowe Incident. Specifically: (1) yours truly, (2) Kings Fan Dustin Brown, (3) Kings Fan Marty McSorley, and (4) Sharks Fan, Ghost Joe Thornton. Enjoy.

[Hermano’s Note: These are actual emails between Kings fans and a Sharks fan, but edited to correct spelling and protect the identities of my compadres.]

On April 6, 2012 at 12:02 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: That fucking cunt is such a fucking disgrace to the game. That was disgusting. I have been watching hockey for 20 fucking years now. Fuck that guy. Never seen that. Fucking disgrace.

On April 6, 2012 at 12:27 a.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: A true douche

On April 6, 2012 at 12:51 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: It was wrong for two reasons: 1) it was outside elements affecting the game; 2) it was cheating. What a fucking disgrace. The league better suspend his ass for a few games.

On April 6, 2012 at 7:44 a.m., Hermano wrote: If the league is smart, they’ll suspend his ass for 10 games. Otherwise, what will stop anyone from doing the same thing during the playoffs or during a critical part of a game? The league would become a joke.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:30 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: No way...dirty and cheap, yes. But it was a play that impaired the players forward progress. If there were other d back it's 2 for interference. If none, a penalty shot. Refs blew the call. By your logic every too many men or interference should be a suspension. He was stupid and wrong and deserved a minor. Calling for a suspension is a bit of an overreaction.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:44 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You are a "homer" (never used that phrase before). He cheated. That breaks our sweat pants bet [Sidenote: There was a bet that the loser of the first home-and-home series would wear sweat pants to a gentlemen’s club]. Lucky for you I still am pondering wearing sweats to [Olympic Gardens] anyway.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:58 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: He committed a penalty that wasn't called... If Thornton had been tripped on a breakaway with no call would that void the bet? Your pussiness upsets me.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:08 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You ever seen that penalty before? You ever thought of doing that in a game. Didn’t think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:40 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well... that doesn't really apply. Like I said, dude should've gotten a 2 for either interference or too many men. If it was a breakaway then a penalty shot. The suspension talk is crap. If this was any team against anyone but the Kings you guys wouldn't have said shit.

Backing out of this bet is like someone backing out of a football bet because the receiver didn't catch a winning TD because of Pi....shit happens. Deal with it!!!!!

On April 7, 2012 at 1:52 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] fuck you, you fucking homer. I hope Clowe gets the shit kicked out of him tonight. I’d rather have Hitler on my team.

On April 7, 2012 at 2:22 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: If karma does exist Clowe will go head first into the boards and paralyze himself. Guy is a disgrace to the game.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:17 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Hmmm... interesting comments. Every fucked up play in the history of the league and close is by far the worst and should die. Your arguments really help your case! I said it should have been a penalty.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:35 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Your email doesn’t make sense. Retype it. Obviously you have an unquenchable hunger for Clowe cock. In any event Clowe is a shit. The fact that he feigned ignorance of the play afterwards makes him more of a SLO douchebag. YOU CAN SEE HIM MOUTH "that was stupid" AFTERWARDS. Fuck that guy. Thornton called it the "play of the game." Fuck Ghost Joe. I hope the Kings play the Sharks in the playoffs. And I can’t wait for Vegas. I will turn you from Clowe cock to [my] cock.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:43 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: I think you mean Clowe vagina

On April 7, 2012 at 4:38 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Spell check... just think its funny how he is all of a sudden the dirtiest player in the league. And I'm the "homer". He acknowledged it was stupid... If you followed it he admitted yesterday it was stupid and he got caught up in the moment. He said after the game he declined to discuss it since he was tired, emotional and didn't want to dig a deeper hole. Hard for me to see why that makes him so fucked up. If that's the case each of us that has ever taken a stupid penalty should be dragged in the street and shot.

On April 7, 2012 at 4:56 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Glad you agree Clowe is a piece of shit and deserves the eventual paralysis that is coming his way. Homer douche.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:04 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: I always enjoy these intelligent discussions.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: After the game he denied it. Said he didn't know what reporters were talking about. Douchebag. I cant believe you are trying to downplay this. Again, have you ever seen this before? Is 2 minutes enough to deter this? If Marleau has a breakaway in game 7 with 50 seconds left and Sharks are down by 1 and nobody is around and Hartnell throws a stick at him from the bench to knock the puck from Marleau? Is that 2 minutes? Are you cool with no suspension? Is that the same as tripping?

On April 7, 2012 at 6:59 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: After the game he said he had to see a replay. The next day he said he was worked up emotionally and exhausted and didn't want to dig a hole by commenting further.

The dude fucked up... but using your analogy if a dude had a breakaway and someone threw their stick worst case is a penalty shot as long as it was a clear path. 2 minute interference if not. No way for a suspension.

I agree it should have been a penalty... so does he. Has there never been a non-call in this league?

The suspension talk is the only homer thing about this. If this was Kopitar doing it to Getzlaf would you be set on a suspension??

On April 7, 2012 at 7:17 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Absolutely. No place for cheating in game. Suspension talk only homer thing about this? People get suspended all the time to deter conduct outside the normal code of the game. Is this outside the normal code of the game? I still am waiting for you to answer my questions: 1) have you seen this before; 2) have you ever thought of doing this in a game before?

On April 7, 2012 at 8:00 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Just to be clear... If Kopitar did the same thing to Thornton you all would call for a suspension?

To answer your question... I haven't seen it, but I've seen much worse and more dangerous stuff. Would I do it? Why does that matter? Does Shanny consult me on suspensions? To that fact, the first question is irrelevant too. The fact is that it was a minor penalty that was missed. Even he admits it and said it was stupid.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: If Kyle Clifford did it to anyone on the Sharks I would think it despicable. It is despicable. If Kopitar did it, I would think it is despicable. Because it is despicable regardless of who does it. Your homer brain is having a hard time separating infraction from person. I asked if you would do it because the answer is no. You know it is wrong. You never would do it. This email chain is about whether it is wrong and worthy of supplemental discipline. This email chain never has been about whether we actually should penalize Clowe. None of us have the bat phone to Shanahan. If you are to frame the issue to be "whether we should suspend Clowe" then yes, [Ghost Joe], both questions are irrelevant. But that is not the discussion. The issue is whether that conduct should be deterred. Particularly when a penalty is missed, the league will hand out supplemental discipline. You are right, Clowe (eventually) admitted it was stupid. So is his admission of guilt enough to deter such actions in the future? Only a homer would think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:45 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Actually I realize that this conversation is irrelevant. [Ghost Joe] is going to defend his little bitch until the end and I will bastardize him. The end.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:57 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, no. I wouldn't do it. But it does not deserve extra discipline. It is insane you guys think this is suspension worthy. Missed call at best.

On April 7, 2012 at 9:51 p.m., Hermano wrote: [Ghost Joe], you're absolutely wrong. It is suspension worthy just like Shanny handing out games for chicken-winging a dude is suspension worthy. Both are designed to (1) prevent future incidents by punishing the individual and (2) protect the integrity of the game. People wouldn't watch hockey if goons were throwing elbows into superstars on the reg and people won't watch hockey if little bitches like Clowe interfere with an odd man rush while standing on the bench. At the very least, the integrity of the game has been compromised and Clowe should be suspended accordingly. I hope your Nor Cal brain can comprehend that principle.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:02 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: So I'm trying to type this with no bias at all..... I agree that it obviously should have been a penalty (either an interference and/or too many men). If they would have found a way to bump this up to a 5 minute major although I would have been upset as a Sharks fan I wouldn't be able to argue at all. A penalty shot I couldn't see because he didn't have a clear path and you see guys interfered with all the time that get just a minor called when they had a breakaway.

As for the suspension, I agree with you on your first point (prevent future incidents). This could have been a situation to set the bar and prevent future occurrences. As far as the integrity of the game, that has been under constant evaluation and scrutiny these past few years. Head shocks, blows to the back, fighting, etc. They are actually changing the game to evolve to the present. Not that Clowe's play falls in to that category, but to say Shanny is only suspending people to protect the integrity is false..... it is for the safety and protection of the players and the league (ie, NFL).

For example, if a player had a breakaway and a D-man threw his stick to try to stop that how would that be called? A Penalty Shot, right? Worst case an interference. That hurts the integrity of the game... throwing your stick to prevent a goal attempt but no one would dare talk suspension. It happens multiple times each season. That is why I think Clowe should have had 2 for interference and 2 for too many men (since he was a 6th man interfering). The suspension talk just baffles me.

Should be some fun playoffs.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:47 p.m., Hermano wrote: Let me answer your question with another question. If a coach threw a stick on to the rink, would you call it a minor penalty? Too many men on the ice? Interference? Unsportsmanlike conduct?

Wikipedia "Tom Webster (ice hockey)" and let me know how many games the league suspended the Kings' former coach.

You may try to distinguish that incident by arguing that he (Webster) did not interfere while the play was in action - but that only supports my point: whether someone interfered with the play or not, a classless act that does not belong in hockey should be punished with a suspension. A suspension should have been doled out to Clowe to prevent future incidents and protect the integrity of the game. The league CANNOT devolve into a game where we simply assess 2 minute (or 4 minute) penalties for completely classless actions, like (1) coaches throwing sticks onto the ice, (2) chicken-winging a dude in the face, (3) intentionally interfering with the play while on the bench, etc.

I know you're realllllllly reaching into your brain for justification why no suspension was issued, but just admit that the league fucked this one up.

Go Kings Go.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:00 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] if you mention Clowe in Vegas I will punch you in the vagina.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Go suck on Clowe's clitoris for awhile.

On April 10, 2012 at 3:06 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, obviously they fucked up in not calling anything and I do agree that it was a dirty play that warranted some sort of penalty.

My only issue with a suspension is that there really is no precedent and you can draw parallels to an interference or too many men penalty and if you go down the path of suspending this how do you draw the line? If a player leaves the box 2 seconds early is that a suspension? If there is a too-many men that interferes with a play is that a suspension?

Regardless, the league did nothing and I'm sure if the Kings and sharks meet in the playoffs Clowe will be targeted, which he deserves. I actually hope that series happens because it means both teams will be in the WC Finals.

Go Sharks!

On April 10, 2012 at 3:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Guess you never got to that Wikipedia page.

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CONCLUSION:

In the words of Ray Finkle’s mother, I hope the Sharks die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. But honestly I’d love to meet them in the Western Conference Finals and destroy the living shit out of them. A sweep would be just as sweet.

Big game tomorrow – and the 2012 Canada Hate-Fest begins tomorrow.

Much love till my next post.