Sunday, June 17, 2012

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade Photos

I can't believe the Stanley Cup Parade was less than a week ago. Shit, the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup less than a week ago too! This week has felt so long, but maybe it's because I've been savoring every moment of the Kings' playoff run. My eyes start to well up every time I think about the playoffs and the Stanley Cup and remind myself that the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup! 

I was looking forward to the Stanley Cup parade so much and was absolutely paranoid that I might have to go on a business trip. Thankfully I was in town and was able to skip out on work early to join the fans who lined up hours before the start of the parade. 

The first thing I noticed as I walked from my office to Figueroa Street was the sheer number of police officers. It seemed a bit outrageous, but I suppose it's understandable that the City wanted to prevent a riot at all costs.
Here is a group of cops

Oh look, more cops....doing nothing.

How about some horsies? What are they called in Canada? Mounties? Hahahahaha!

Regular cops, bike cops, horsie cops. This photos is only missing the segway cops, but they were there.

If only Olympic was always this empty....
I didn't know what to expect of the parade. I've never attended a Lakers Championship parade and have never seen clips of any other NHL Stanley Cup parade. It was great to see each bus crawl down Figueroa and see the boys stand at the front of the bus. I was most touched whenever I saw a player taking photos of the crowd. I never thought about what it would be like on their side. I guess if I was in their shoes, I would have been shit-housed and on the verge of ripping off my jersey and throwing it into the crowd. But for the most part, the Kings were pretty tame....or at least they looked tame.

Trevor Lewis is obviously checking me out. (Hi, Trevor!)

Bob Miller sighting!

Alec Martinez with the perfect pageant wave.

Who knew Luc Robitaille would be the most enthusiastic person on Team Bus 6?
Team Bus 6!

Mike Richards got "thumbs-up" lessons from Bill Clinton.

Matt Greene was the rowdiest player as he held up the Cup for everyone to see.
Who the heck is the guy with the beard?
 As this bus rolled by, Kyle Clifford kept pointing at someone. I'm assuming he was pointing out his next victim because that guy is a beast and feeds off human blood.
"I'm coming after you.  Yeah, you!"
If KFC had looked to this left, then he would have seen this sign:
I am shocked. SHOCKED! that the only marriage proposal sign I saw at the parade was for Kyle Clifford. I mean, seriously, really? Clifford? I'd be scared to be left alone in the same room with him, let alone want to marry him. Dude seems crazy!

After the parade we milled around LA Live before the rally inside Staples Center started. I saw these guys and liked their signs. I think I saw some other people with them. Not sure who made them, but I think they're pretty cool, especially the side with all the names.

Thankfully, my hermano and I got tickets to the rally. Unfortunately, we were facing the backs of everyone and I don't have a telephoto lens, so all the close-ups are photos of the jumbotron. Pretty ghetto, but whatever. It's the experience that matters and believe me, it was fucking awesome!! 

It was funny watching the players walk to their seats. It's just odd seeing the players in their street clothes and being reminded that most of them are in their early 20s! They're just kids! My hermana-in-law couldn't believe how young Jonathan Quick looks and commented that he must be having a great week seeing that he won the Stanley Cup and graduated from high school in the same week. 

The players' speeches were pretty good. Dustin Penner started them off with a humorous, borderline racist speech. I don't know half the shit he said because he was trying to speech Spanish (and get approval from Alec Martinez). Drew Doughty was Drew Doughty. Not quite sure why he gave a speech. Matt Greene made fun of Drew Doughty's inability to speak eloquently for more than 5 seconds. Anze Kopitar got the fans riled up when he mentioned wanting to win the Cup AGAIN! Quick killed it by dropping an unexpected f-bomb...and then a couple more. I'm getting the sense he's one of those guys who curses every fifth word. And Dustin Brown showed how much he has matured over the years as an LA King and delivered a tremendous speech that really made me proud to have him as a captain. It's just inconceivable right now to think his name was even in the trade rumor mill this season. 

I made fun of Darryl Sutter a lot during the season. There is just something so goofy about this guy. But, you know what? He led this team to a Stanley Cup, so he can wear whatever he wants, smile however he wants, talk however he wants, make super awkward fist pumps however often he wants because he'll always go down as the Coach of the Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup Championship team!

Oh Darryl....what are you....oh forget it. You're kind of awesome.


To Dean Lombardi,

You are my hero.

Thank you :)

(oh sweet Hockey Jesus, I just started crying again....)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade: Jersey Fouls

An emotional blubbering blog post about the Los Angeles Kings winning the Stanley Cup will come at a later date.  First up, we need to discuss the jersey fouls witnessed at the LA Kings Stanley Cup parade.

I met up with my hermano and his friends at around 6th and Figueroa a couple hours before the parade started. A bunch of Kings fans were already lined up and as we walked down a couple blocks I started noticing jersey foul after jersey foul. Since there wasn't much else to photograph, besides bored-looking LAPD officers, I decided to photograph as many jersey fouls as possible as we made our trek down Fig to LA Live.

This first photo isn't exactly a jersey foul, but the first non-Kings jersey I spotted.  Dude, seriously? A Blackhawks jersey? To a Kings Stanley Cup parade? Loser.

Again, this next one is not quite a jersey foul, but it did stop me in tracks.
 And then I felt a bit weird that I was taking a photo of a chick's ass. I just don't get this one. Why would you get "King's Bitch" across the bottom of a sweatshirt? The apostrophe also bothers me (see below for another example) because I think it should be "Kings' Bitch".  Right? It's the "Los Angeles Kings", not the "Los Angeles King".

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have labeled this post "Jersey Fouls", but I had to stop and take a photo of this "vintage" jacket.
 I've never seen this design....and I hope I never do again because it's so freaking hideous! Hahaha, it has buildings (presumably Downtown LA even though the Kings of that era played a lot closer to the beach) and it looks like there are lightning bolts or "Z"s....not quite sure what's going on. I wonder how much he paid for the jacket. Man, I should have asked him where he got it.

Ok folks, our first real jersey foul and there are two in one photo!! I was really excited to take this photo:
I think the one on the left said "C MEYER"....personal name, unacceptable. The one on the right: "THE BUN". I was stumped when I first saw it and it still doesn't make any sense to me. Please leave a comment if you know what or who that's in reference to.

With this next photo, I assume the owner is referring to Kyle Clifford because he is kind of a beast, but I'm not 100% sure since I didn't have the courage to ask her since I was worried she would turn into an animal:
 "ANIMAL"? Really? Before Kyle Clifford, Michael Cammalleri wore #13 and I most definitely would not describe him as an animal.

Here's another two-fer, but one is a jersey foul and the other is a vintage jersey (although I admit I had to look it up).
 "BIG JON" with the double zero number....*vomit*. At first I thought "JOYAL" might be a jersey foul (personal name infraction), but I looked it up and discovered Eddie Joyal was a member of the Los Angeles Kings between 1967 and 1972, so shame on me for not knowing my LA Kings history before I was born.  But seriously, that's a pretty rare jersey to be seen in LA.

I don't know what's going on here.  I assume it's a surname....or his girlfriend's name. Pretty lame without a doubt though.

I saw this "King's Cup" t-shirt a couple times and I'm convinced it's an apostrophe fail. Sure, you could say it's "Dwight King's Cup", but it's not the "King's Cup", it's the "Kings' Cup", as in the "Los Angeles Kings' Cup". I don't think this is an official NHL licensed merchandise:

Why would you wear this shirt?
 I guess at least the guy is honest about it.

The next two photos are of the same guy. First up is his tattoo on the back of his calf.
 I'm not sure how I feel about this tattoo.  It's just an odd location for it.

But nice purse, bro. 

Good times, Kings fans! Thanks for keeping me entertained during the 2-hour plus wait for the parade. Let's do it again soon! :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Classy and Scholarly Discussion About the Clowe Incident

Hermano here.

Looks like we've got about 19 hours before the puck drops, so let's revisit the Clowe Incident.

These are actual emails from men in their 30’s, discussing the Clowe Incident. Specifically: (1) yours truly, (2) Kings Fan Dustin Brown, (3) Kings Fan Marty McSorley, and (4) Sharks Fan, Ghost Joe Thornton. Enjoy.

[Hermano’s Note: These are actual emails between Kings fans and a Sharks fan, but edited to correct spelling and protect the identities of my compadres.]

On April 6, 2012 at 12:02 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: That fucking cunt is such a fucking disgrace to the game. That was disgusting. I have been watching hockey for 20 fucking years now. Fuck that guy. Never seen that. Fucking disgrace.

On April 6, 2012 at 12:27 a.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: A true douche

On April 6, 2012 at 12:51 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: It was wrong for two reasons: 1) it was outside elements affecting the game; 2) it was cheating. What a fucking disgrace. The league better suspend his ass for a few games.

On April 6, 2012 at 7:44 a.m., Hermano wrote: If the league is smart, they’ll suspend his ass for 10 games. Otherwise, what will stop anyone from doing the same thing during the playoffs or during a critical part of a game? The league would become a joke.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:30 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: No way...dirty and cheap, yes. But it was a play that impaired the players forward progress. If there were other d back it's 2 for interference. If none, a penalty shot. Refs blew the call. By your logic every too many men or interference should be a suspension. He was stupid and wrong and deserved a minor. Calling for a suspension is a bit of an overreaction.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:44 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You are a "homer" (never used that phrase before). He cheated. That breaks our sweat pants bet [Sidenote: There was a bet that the loser of the first home-and-home series would wear sweat pants to a gentlemen’s club]. Lucky for you I still am pondering wearing sweats to [Olympic Gardens] anyway.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:58 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: He committed a penalty that wasn't called... If Thornton had been tripped on a breakaway with no call would that void the bet? Your pussiness upsets me.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:08 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You ever seen that penalty before? You ever thought of doing that in a game. Didn’t think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:40 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well... that doesn't really apply. Like I said, dude should've gotten a 2 for either interference or too many men. If it was a breakaway then a penalty shot. The suspension talk is crap. If this was any team against anyone but the Kings you guys wouldn't have said shit.

Backing out of this bet is like someone backing out of a football bet because the receiver didn't catch a winning TD because of Pi....shit happens. Deal with it!!!!!

On April 7, 2012 at 1:52 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] fuck you, you fucking homer. I hope Clowe gets the shit kicked out of him tonight. I’d rather have Hitler on my team.

On April 7, 2012 at 2:22 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: If karma does exist Clowe will go head first into the boards and paralyze himself. Guy is a disgrace to the game.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:17 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Hmmm... interesting comments. Every fucked up play in the history of the league and close is by far the worst and should die. Your arguments really help your case! I said it should have been a penalty.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:35 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Your email doesn’t make sense. Retype it. Obviously you have an unquenchable hunger for Clowe cock. In any event Clowe is a shit. The fact that he feigned ignorance of the play afterwards makes him more of a SLO douchebag. YOU CAN SEE HIM MOUTH "that was stupid" AFTERWARDS. Fuck that guy. Thornton called it the "play of the game." Fuck Ghost Joe. I hope the Kings play the Sharks in the playoffs. And I can’t wait for Vegas. I will turn you from Clowe cock to [my] cock.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:43 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: I think you mean Clowe vagina

On April 7, 2012 at 4:38 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Spell check... just think its funny how he is all of a sudden the dirtiest player in the league. And I'm the "homer". He acknowledged it was stupid... If you followed it he admitted yesterday it was stupid and he got caught up in the moment. He said after the game he declined to discuss it since he was tired, emotional and didn't want to dig a deeper hole. Hard for me to see why that makes him so fucked up. If that's the case each of us that has ever taken a stupid penalty should be dragged in the street and shot.

On April 7, 2012 at 4:56 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Glad you agree Clowe is a piece of shit and deserves the eventual paralysis that is coming his way. Homer douche.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:04 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: I always enjoy these intelligent discussions.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: After the game he denied it. Said he didn't know what reporters were talking about. Douchebag. I cant believe you are trying to downplay this. Again, have you ever seen this before? Is 2 minutes enough to deter this? If Marleau has a breakaway in game 7 with 50 seconds left and Sharks are down by 1 and nobody is around and Hartnell throws a stick at him from the bench to knock the puck from Marleau? Is that 2 minutes? Are you cool with no suspension? Is that the same as tripping?

On April 7, 2012 at 6:59 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: After the game he said he had to see a replay. The next day he said he was worked up emotionally and exhausted and didn't want to dig a hole by commenting further.

The dude fucked up... but using your analogy if a dude had a breakaway and someone threw their stick worst case is a penalty shot as long as it was a clear path. 2 minute interference if not. No way for a suspension.

I agree it should have been a penalty... so does he. Has there never been a non-call in this league?

The suspension talk is the only homer thing about this. If this was Kopitar doing it to Getzlaf would you be set on a suspension??

On April 7, 2012 at 7:17 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Absolutely. No place for cheating in game. Suspension talk only homer thing about this? People get suspended all the time to deter conduct outside the normal code of the game. Is this outside the normal code of the game? I still am waiting for you to answer my questions: 1) have you seen this before; 2) have you ever thought of doing this in a game before?

On April 7, 2012 at 8:00 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Just to be clear... If Kopitar did the same thing to Thornton you all would call for a suspension?

To answer your question... I haven't seen it, but I've seen much worse and more dangerous stuff. Would I do it? Why does that matter? Does Shanny consult me on suspensions? To that fact, the first question is irrelevant too. The fact is that it was a minor penalty that was missed. Even he admits it and said it was stupid.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: If Kyle Clifford did it to anyone on the Sharks I would think it despicable. It is despicable. If Kopitar did it, I would think it is despicable. Because it is despicable regardless of who does it. Your homer brain is having a hard time separating infraction from person. I asked if you would do it because the answer is no. You know it is wrong. You never would do it. This email chain is about whether it is wrong and worthy of supplemental discipline. This email chain never has been about whether we actually should penalize Clowe. None of us have the bat phone to Shanahan. If you are to frame the issue to be "whether we should suspend Clowe" then yes, [Ghost Joe], both questions are irrelevant. But that is not the discussion. The issue is whether that conduct should be deterred. Particularly when a penalty is missed, the league will hand out supplemental discipline. You are right, Clowe (eventually) admitted it was stupid. So is his admission of guilt enough to deter such actions in the future? Only a homer would think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:45 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Actually I realize that this conversation is irrelevant. [Ghost Joe] is going to defend his little bitch until the end and I will bastardize him. The end.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:57 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, no. I wouldn't do it. But it does not deserve extra discipline. It is insane you guys think this is suspension worthy. Missed call at best.

On April 7, 2012 at 9:51 p.m., Hermano wrote: [Ghost Joe], you're absolutely wrong. It is suspension worthy just like Shanny handing out games for chicken-winging a dude is suspension worthy. Both are designed to (1) prevent future incidents by punishing the individual and (2) protect the integrity of the game. People wouldn't watch hockey if goons were throwing elbows into superstars on the reg and people won't watch hockey if little bitches like Clowe interfere with an odd man rush while standing on the bench. At the very least, the integrity of the game has been compromised and Clowe should be suspended accordingly. I hope your Nor Cal brain can comprehend that principle.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:02 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: So I'm trying to type this with no bias at all..... I agree that it obviously should have been a penalty (either an interference and/or too many men). If they would have found a way to bump this up to a 5 minute major although I would have been upset as a Sharks fan I wouldn't be able to argue at all. A penalty shot I couldn't see because he didn't have a clear path and you see guys interfered with all the time that get just a minor called when they had a breakaway.

As for the suspension, I agree with you on your first point (prevent future incidents). This could have been a situation to set the bar and prevent future occurrences. As far as the integrity of the game, that has been under constant evaluation and scrutiny these past few years. Head shocks, blows to the back, fighting, etc. They are actually changing the game to evolve to the present. Not that Clowe's play falls in to that category, but to say Shanny is only suspending people to protect the integrity is false..... it is for the safety and protection of the players and the league (ie, NFL).

For example, if a player had a breakaway and a D-man threw his stick to try to stop that how would that be called? A Penalty Shot, right? Worst case an interference. That hurts the integrity of the game... throwing your stick to prevent a goal attempt but no one would dare talk suspension. It happens multiple times each season. That is why I think Clowe should have had 2 for interference and 2 for too many men (since he was a 6th man interfering). The suspension talk just baffles me.

Should be some fun playoffs.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:47 p.m., Hermano wrote: Let me answer your question with another question. If a coach threw a stick on to the rink, would you call it a minor penalty? Too many men on the ice? Interference? Unsportsmanlike conduct?

Wikipedia "Tom Webster (ice hockey)" and let me know how many games the league suspended the Kings' former coach.

You may try to distinguish that incident by arguing that he (Webster) did not interfere while the play was in action - but that only supports my point: whether someone interfered with the play or not, a classless act that does not belong in hockey should be punished with a suspension. A suspension should have been doled out to Clowe to prevent future incidents and protect the integrity of the game. The league CANNOT devolve into a game where we simply assess 2 minute (or 4 minute) penalties for completely classless actions, like (1) coaches throwing sticks onto the ice, (2) chicken-winging a dude in the face, (3) intentionally interfering with the play while on the bench, etc.

I know you're realllllllly reaching into your brain for justification why no suspension was issued, but just admit that the league fucked this one up.

Go Kings Go.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:00 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] if you mention Clowe in Vegas I will punch you in the vagina.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Go suck on Clowe's clitoris for awhile.

On April 10, 2012 at 3:06 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, obviously they fucked up in not calling anything and I do agree that it was a dirty play that warranted some sort of penalty.

My only issue with a suspension is that there really is no precedent and you can draw parallels to an interference or too many men penalty and if you go down the path of suspending this how do you draw the line? If a player leaves the box 2 seconds early is that a suspension? If there is a too-many men that interferes with a play is that a suspension?

Regardless, the league did nothing and I'm sure if the Kings and sharks meet in the playoffs Clowe will be targeted, which he deserves. I actually hope that series happens because it means both teams will be in the WC Finals.

Go Sharks!

On April 10, 2012 at 3:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Guess you never got to that Wikipedia page.



In the words of Ray Finkle’s mother, I hope the Sharks die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. But honestly I’d love to meet them in the Western Conference Finals and destroy the living shit out of them. A sweep would be just as sweet.

Big game tomorrow – and the 2012 Canada Hate-Fest begins tomorrow.

Much love till my next post.

2012 Canada Hate-Fest Begins in 2 days

Hermano here.

In two days, for the next 4-7 games (and maybe more if I’m/we’re incredibly lucky), I will boycott all things Canadian. I will do nothing but bash Canada and ruthlessly make fun of every single Canuck out there.

In preparation for this incredible hate-bashing, I listened to “Everything I do” by Bryan Adams 5 times on the way to work this morning. And 4 times on the way back home. I air-guitared that killer air guitar riff right after “you can’t tell me, it’s not worth trying for…” all 9 times today. I screamed at 9 different cars: “YEAHHHHH, I’d fight for you… Basically, I got myself prepared to absolutely loathe that song for the next few weeks. It’s time to seek revenge for the 2010 Kings v. Canucks series.

My analysis of the 2012 Kings v. Canucks series? Four things must happen in order for the Kings to upset the Canucks and move to the next round. But before we get into those four things, let’s get sidetracked.

Generally, I think Canada is pretty all right. I’ve been to Vancouver and Toronto, and have desires of snowboarding in Whistler, gambling at my buddy’s dad’s casino in Edmonton, and attending a bachelor party in Montreal. I have no desire to visit Ottowa for some unexplained reason. I would love to live in Toronto and follow and write about junior hockey for an entire year. I would love to hang out with Kelly Hrudey and have him autograph some memorabilia.

Despite all of this, I will proceed to ruthlessly make fun of Canada for the next 4-7 games, starting on Wednesday.

There is still a bitter taste in my mouth after the Canucks came to Staples Center and dominated the Kings to end their 2010 Cup run. What sticks out most from that series? Two things, actually. The first is Mikael Samuelsson putting on a fucking sniping clinic. The second is how they took one of my favorite bands and played one of their songs after each goal. I wouldn’t really mind if they chose to play Shania Twain’s “You’re still the one” or Bryan Adams “Summer of ’69.” I wouldn’t even mind if they rocked Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi.” Seriously. But playing “Holiday” by Green Day absolutely infuriated me.

Oh wait, I forgot about the hissy fit Ersberg threw after getting a taste of playoff hockey.

[Don’t let your career hit you on the way out]

Thankfully Samuelsson, Ehrhoff, and Demitra (RIP, brotha) are gone. So is Wayne Simmonds, regrettably. JMFJ, although fun to watch when his shot actually hit the back of the net, can take his -5 for the series and enjoy watching the Red Wings on TV.

I don’t follow the Canucks, so I’m not going to go up and down their roster and pretend to know who is a key addition to their team.

I will say that #26 for the Kings is a dramatic upgrade from #12. What a joke – how could we possibly break out of the first round with Randy Freakin’ Jones on our team? Does it scare anyone that he was one game away from playing in the 2011 Stanley Cup finals? I just hope I don’t find myself saying “Number 27 has no fucking business being on this team” this year. We can go on and on about whether Penner or Richardson deserves the final spot once Carter comes back; but for me, the true question is whether numbers 26 and 27 will elevate their game starting Wednesday.

Oh, and whether number 7 will stop deflecting the puck into his own fucking net.

You know what I’d really like to see? Kyle Clifford becoming a man-beast just like last year’s series against the Sharks. But we can talk about that more if/when it actually happens.

For now, the four things that MUST happen for the Kings to steal this series against the Canucks:

1. Jeff Carter needs to become Jeff Fucking Carter

There are only two people on the current Kings squad that can undress Luongo: Kopitar and Jeff Carter. Kopitar has never been a speed guy, so all the Canucks have to do is play him tight and pray he doesn’t receive any give-and-go’s. Carter, on the other hand, is deceptively fast. We all know his shot is ridiculous – probably the quickest release on the team – and he uses his speed to create space and separation from the defense. This all means nothing if he’s still injured.

2. Quick needs to channel is inner 1994 Mike Richter

Much has been said about this already. Every single Canucks fan knows this is the key to the series. If Quick wants to earn big boy money for the next 7 years, he’s gonna have to prove he can shut down the best team in the league in 7 games or less.

3. Daniel Sedin needs to wake up with a headache for the next two weeks

As a hockey player, I am incredibly superstitious. When I put on my pads, I follow the EXACT same order as always: left skate, right skate, left pad, right pad, etc. I don’t spit in my crease. I don’t shovel ice into my own goal. And I don’t make fun of an opposing player for dealing with a concussion lest someone on my own team gets chicken-winged and is unable to play the rest of the series. But seriously, though, I wouldn’t mind seeing D. Sedin staring into space while sitting on the bench – assuming he gets cleared to play.

4. Luongo needs to get shellacked in either Game 1 or 2

You know what sucks about being a goalie? Knowing that the next goal you let in could be your ticket to the bench. Last year, Luongo was the undisputed starter – but got questioned toward the end, especially during that series with Chicago. This year, Schneider has proven he deserves the starting spot on any other team (except the Kings, because we have already fulfilled the affirmative action ginger quota). If Luongo blows Game 1 or 2, everyone north of the border will call for his head. Best of all, Luongo knows this – which can’t be good for his sanity. All the Kings need to do is rattle his dome a bit and let the insecurity play itself out.

By now, you’ve probably guessed that this is all wishful thinking. Every time I read someone who predicts the Kings to win in 7, I tilt my head and say “Awww, that’s adorable.” But then I realize that I, myself, have predicted the Kings to win in 7. I’m also quite thirsty, so I think I’ll just reach over and grab my cup of Kool Aid.

Much love till my next post. Tomorrow.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

1 in 176 million Chance of Buying LA Kings Season Tickets

Did anyone else get caught up in the mega millions lotto frenzy a couple weeks ago. Several coworkers and I usually chip in a few bucks each for lotto tickets once the jackpot reaches $200 million. Once the jackpot reached record numbers we couldn't help but share dreams of what we would do with our winnings.

Is it sad or impressive that the very first thing I would have bought were LA Kings season tickets? Seriously, I would have been on the phone with an LA Kings rep immediately! My husband actually took it a step further and said he would buy a suite at his favorite NFL team's stadium. A suite?!? woah woah woah....let's not get too carried away here. Maybe it's a good thing we didn't win.

Anyway, back to reality.

Do you ever look at the standings and try to figure out which teams you want to face in the playoffs and which teams you do not want to face, especially in the first round?  I definitely don't want the Kings to match up against the Canucks, Red Wings, and Coyotes.  I don't think it's possible for the Kings and Coyotes to meet in the first round anyway so that shouldn't be a problem, but I feel like a healthy Red Wings squad would demolish the Kings in the first round.  I wouldn't mind seeing the Kings face the Blackhawks or Blues and I don't have any opinion about the Predators.

The LA Kings need to clinch a playoff berth so I can figure out which playoff games I can and want to attend. I really, really, REALLY want the Kings to clinch 3rd so that (a) we have home ice advantage, and (b) we don't face the Vancouver Canucks in the first round. I don't know if I can stomach going to another Kings/Canucks playoff game in the first round.

And how sweet would it be if the Kings beat the Sharks twice in these last two games.  So sweet...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The LA Kings 2011-2012 Season Is... incredibly infuriating.

This is how I have felt after watching 99% of Kings games this season:

I'm about to lose it.

Monday, January 30, 2012

"All Tickets Have Been Distributed"

This season I've noticed that Bob Miller announces Kings home game "sellouts" by saying "all tickets have been distributed" for the game instead of actually saying a home game is a sellout.  There are plenty of ways for a team to distribute tickets instead of actually selling them, but I think this current method is a bit much (the red outline is my emphasis):

"Complimentary"...more like "oh shit, it's a game against Columbus! We desperately need to fill seats so please, please, please, please take these free tickets AND come to the game! Or since we're giving them to you for FREE you could SELL them and actually make money off of us!"

First game back from the All-Star break and it's against Columbus....can't say I'm thrilled and apparently neither can the LA Kings Marketing Department.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Mid-Season Check-up of the Team LA Store

You guys, have you seen what's new in the Kings section of the Team LA Store?

If you haven't visited the online store lately, then you are seriously missing out on some true gems. I have no doubt that we've recovered from holiday shopping sprees so it's time to blow our money on some hideous fan gear!

First of all, I'm truly disappointed that the store is no longer selling the Ladies Player T-Shirts. I even went to the Team LA Store at Staples Center on a random Friday during lunch and they only had the t-shirt in 2XL.....not cool. And now I can't even overpay for it online.

Instead, the Team LA Store is selling some gawd-awful shit like the "LA Kings Ladies Super Fan III Burnout T-shirt - Shield" for $41 (see below for photo). $41 for a cotton shirt! But you can actually save $7 if you buy the version with a crown on the back, Whew! $35 is so much more reasonable for a cotton shirt that I am pretty sure is of pretty shitty quality. Ask yourself this question: "Is a shield really worth $7 extra dollars?"  Or for that matter: "Will wearing the crown make you feel like a cheap ass because you couldn't fork over the extra $7 for the 'official' logo of this season?"

Don't worry male fans, the shitty overpriced fan gear isn't solely available to women. If you're a middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis wondering if you should drop tens of thousands of dollars on a sports car that you'll look utterly ridiculous driving in the hopes of attracting a younger woman, then fear not! For the low, low price of $325, you could be the proud owner of a true LA Kings leather jacket:

images taken from the Team LA Store, although if I were them, I wouldn't want the credit.  what a hot mess.

Wear it in style, old man! That is pure luscious leather. Work it! And don't be fooled by the model; there is no way someone that young and vaguely attractive would be caught dead wearing that jacket so you don't need to worry about any competition from the younger crowd.  Also, is that female model Alyssa Milano?  I can't tell because she's totally irrelevant in my humble opinion, so I'm not entirely sure what she looks like, but I do know she's been designing fan clothing for women and some of it ain't too great.

The other problem I have with that shirt is I can't tell if it's see-through or if the graphic is just messed up, because you can clearly see the model's pants through the shirt.  And what is up with the 'burnout' design.  It's hideous?  Oh, and another thing: is the shirt really black/grey on the front and then white on the back?  It's like you're wearing two completely different shirts!  You know how on 'Project Runway' when the designers put together a separates outfit that looks terrible and the judges crucify them because they don't understand the outfit and the top and bottom just don't go together and it just doesn't make sense?  That's this shirt, except that instead of worrying about your top not matching what you're wearing on bottom, the back of your shirt doesn't belong with the front of your shirt whatsoever. This might as well have been a fucking crafts project you put together.  And it'll cost you $41!!!!!  What an effing ripoff.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

01/19/12: Sutter v. Sutter






*guess what, Canada and Fox Sports?  No one gives a shit about this stupid coaching "rivalry" or "match-up" or whatever the hell you call it.  Could you tell how confused the players were whenever they were asked whether this coaching match-up was talked about in the locker room?  Why the hell would the players care?  The only thing they should be worrying about is figuring out how to score more than 2 goals! Why are you focusing on the coaches when there are more important things to talk about, like Penner Pancakes?  Oh wait, that's not important AT ALL and by the way it's old news!  Why the EFF are you also still fixated on that too?  As I told my husband during the game against the Oilers: "The Penner Pancakes story is still big news in Canada because it's Canada and they don't have anything else to talk about."  Sheesh, Canada is the worst.  Just the worst.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Dear Drew Doughty...

Dear Drew Doughty,

Please stop diving.

It's embarrassing to watch.

You almost never get the call anyway.

It makes it more difficult for me to make fun of other players for diving when you do it so egregiously.

You're such a talented player; there's no need for you to embellish.

Just stop it.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Kings Fans Express Sweet Sentiments on Twitter

So the Kings totally shat the bed today against the Columbus Blue Jackets. I don't know what was more embarrassing:

  • Making the Blue Jackets look really good
  • Taking 7 penalties
  • Going 0 for 8 on the power play
  • Not scoring in regulation for the second consecutive game
  • Giving Curtis Sanford a shutout
  • Losing to the worst team in the league

I was trying so hard to not get upset throughout the entire game. It's too bad this was an afternoon game, because I probably would have played a drinking game (by myself) if this was a night game.

Drink every time one of these things happen:

  • A penalty is called
  • Kings don't score on the power play
  • Sutter inappropriately touches a player on the bench
  • Sutter makes bitter beer face
  • Dustin Brown falls down
  • Bob Miller sounds pissed about the way the Kings are playing
  • Jim Fox tries to explain the Kings are playing marginally better under Sutter
  • You laugh whenever you hear 'Clitsome'
  • Jack Johnson rips a shot that either goes way wide or way high

Sheesh, I would have been dead by the 2nd period.

Let's see what some Kings fans thought about the game. I bet they were barely even paying attention since it was an afternoon game:

@kingscast Embarrassing "effort"

@LAKingsOutsider Somehow the #lakings lack of scoring now is still Terry Murray's fault right?

@islas66 The #lakings score less than a guy at a lesbian bar! Damn!!!!

@everydayreggie When you go 0 for 8 on the power play and get shut out at home by the worst team in hockey, it should count as two losses

@RyanResella The coach who is in charge of the #LAKings power play.. yeah they should do something about that

@Craiiiiiig21 Every #LaKings game is equivalent of watching a futbol match.

@Boski93 Jonathan Quick should be suing the Kings for lack of support. Arrrrrrrrgghhh #nhl #LAKings #scoresomegoalskings #quickseffortswastedagain

@LibrosOverHos God, it feels like this warmup skate has been going on for hours. I can't wait for the #LAKings game to actually start.

@ArthurKlages #LAKings couldn't score against Columbus! COLUMBUS! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@enmac502 sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #lakings

I feel ya, @enmac502!

Good times, Kings fans! I'm really glad Twitter is around for fans to collectively express their disgust, hatred, disappointment, and rage about their beloved sports team. It really makes it so easy to be passive-aggressive. If you ever find yourself about to blow a gasket because the team you love is shitting the bed, just turn to Twitter, search your team's hashtag and have a good hearty laugh at all the wonderfully clever tweets from your fellow fans.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The LA Kings Are Rolling Four Lines

When the rumors were swirling around the interwebs in early December that Darryl Sutter would be the new head coach of the Los Angeles Kings, I didn't really know what to think other than I didn't think Terry Murray should be fired.  I read a bunch of articles and blog posts about the type of coach Darryl Sutter had been in the past and, while at least one hockey analyst thought it was a good hiring by Dean Lombardi, most did not think Sutter was the appropriate coach to replace Murray.  The word I kept reading and hearing over and over to describe Sutter was "intense" and he was commonly described as emphasizing a defense-first mindset among his players, which is exactly the type of coach Terry Murray was.  The best descriptive piece I read about Sutter was by Mike Chen, a long-time San Jose Sharks fan and former full-time, now occasional hockey blogger at SB Nation. The part that struck me the most was this paragraph:
At the same time, Sutter's Sharks regularly rolled four lines regardless of situation. After all, the team was built in his image, and they would work-work-work regardless of the score. That mentality proved to be a blessing and a curse, and while it brought success to the Craven-Matteau days, it regressed a roster with greater talent. A perfect in-game example of this was Game 6 of the 2001's first-round series against St. Louis. Down by one goal and facing elimination, Sutter failed to stack his lineup with his scoring forwards. Instead, he had his fourth line out here during the critical moment, and while guys like Mark Smith and Todd Harvey were fine in their roles, it seemed completely nonsensical to have them on the ice when the entire season was on the line.
Mike Chen's description of Sutter's 'roll four lines' coaching style is exactly what we're seeing with the LA Kings. So far, it's been working.  However, I have minor-to-major heart palpitations when I see the 4th line on the ice with 5 minutes left in a tight game where the Kings are holding onto the lead, or when someone like Colin Fraser is on the penalty kill, or, the 4th line is on the power play, but the Kings have yet to lose in regulation under Sutter.  He's definitely instilling a cohesive team mentality, but I wonder if he will break from this coaching style when the Kings are fighting for every point down the stretch to clinch a playoff spot or are trying to come back or maintain a lead in a playoff game.  You want your best players on the ice in key moments, right?  I wonder how long this strategy will last.

Monday, January 2, 2012

So Much Love for HBO '24/7: Road to the Winter Classic'

I've been debating whether or not I should write a review of Season 2 of '24/7 Flyers/Ranger: Road to the Winter Classic' since everyone and their mother have written about it. I finally decided to write one because I actually haven't read any reviews for this season since I've been watching the episodes a day after they air and I don't want anyone to ruin my viewings (spoiler alert: THEY PLAY HOCKEY!). So I figure at least my review won't be tainted by anyone's views.

First of all, I think a disclaimer is in order: Despite my tendency to bitch and moan in detail about certain shows, I purely love everything about '24/7' and I just can't bring myself to critique the minutiae as other hockey fans may do and did with the first season of '24/7'. I am fully aware that I am watching these episodes through rose-colored glasses, which is why my opinion of the show may be so high.

There have been two big surprises for me after watching the first three episodes of 24/7 this year:

  1. Peter Laviolette is a total hard-ass and I had NO IDEA he was like this. Maybe it's because I first came to know of him when he was the coach of the Carolina Hurricanes and the team always seems like a family-friendly team. Or maybe it's because of the rumors swirling around dry island, which in my head made him seem like a family-friendly guy who wants a PG-rated locker room. Apparently, I WAS WAY OFF! He is so fucking intense and I love every single scene he's in.
  2. I've grown to actually "like" the New York Rangers and Philadelphia Flyers, which I didn't think was humanly possible. I don't mean "like" in the sense that I'll ever be rooting for them on a nightly basis, but rather in a way that I really enjoy watching them in this series, eagerly anticipating what new storylines will be introduced. Before the 2011-2012 NHL season started I was sorta dreading this year's '24/7' because I've never been a fan of either of these teams. I was only looking forward to seeing Torts fly off the handle and seeing confrontations between Avery and anybody (which by the way, hasn't really happened....very disappointed). But I think HBO does a great job of humanizing these guys and seeing them off the ice is more exciting to me than seeing them battle on the ice. I'm sure I'll go back to hating these teams as soon as they play the LA Kings, but for now, I really enjoy watching these two teams.

Here are my thoughts on some of the players and coaches who have been
featured on 24/7:

Wayne Simmonds
I shouted "SIMMONDS!!!!" every time Wayne Simmonds was featured.....that is, until he totally bitch-slapped Los Angeles when he said he's happy to have been traded to Philadelphia because it's a much better hockey town. 'Oh shut up, Wayne! Stop playing it up for the Philly fans!" (oh who am I kidding, I still love him.) But is it just me or has it seemed like he's tearing it up offensively with the Flyers? Well, shit, maybe Terry Murray really wasn't bringing out his full potential.

Ilya Bryzgalov
So......I think we can all agree that Ilya Bryzgalov is totally cray-cray. It's one thing to see short clips of him in post-game interviews, but it's an entirely different experience seeing him go off the deep end with his philosophical musings. I'm really interested to see how he's featured in the last episode since it was announced he's not playing in the Winter Classic.

Peter Laviolette
Despite the fact that's he completely different than I imagined, I still think he's so awesome! I loved how he handled the Steve Ott situation with the HBO crew by BLATANTLY DENYING knowing what they were asking him in regards to his altercation with Ott. He had to have known the crew had everything on audio, yet still acted like nothing happened while having a slight smirk on his face. I also got a kick out of his conversation with Scott Hartnell when he congratulated the forward for getting 200 goals, which were 200 more than he had. When Hartnell looked surprised that his coach never got any goals in the NHL, Laviolette admitted that he played 12 games in the NHL and got 0 points. Funny though that Laviolette didn't reveal to Hartnell that he played those 12 games with the New York Rangers.

John Tortorella
I definitely did not expect Torts to come off as the softer coach, but somehow he has. The storyline featuring his relationship with the kid who has cystic fibrosis was incredibly heart-warming. But he has still provided us with some awesome quotes. My favorite is the one where he yelled at Marion Gaborik on the bench asking him whether or not he was "going to stomp on the puck".

Jaromir Jagr
There's just something so surreal about seeing Jagr in '24/7'. Maybe it's because he's one of the few guys I grew up following who is still playing in the league. Or maybe it's because he's been out of the upper echelon of the NHL for quite some time, but is now back in the limelight. Or it could be this charm about him that is evident when he's being interviewed or conversing with his teammates. I'm sure there are hockey fans who want to throw daggers through their TV whenever he's featured, but I've never felt "betrayed" by his hockey decisions or actions, so I'm glad he's been featured.

Brian Boyle & Brandon Prust
I didn't know anything about Prust before the show and even wondered who he was at the beginning. I never really appreciated Brian Boyle's hockey skill set when he was with the LA Kings and I haven't been following his career with the Rangers, but his off-ice personality is hilarious! Maybe being from such a big family has something to do with his acting like a big kid. I about died when I saw him dressed as an elf. I think I would pay money to see him reenact the movie Elf.

Ryan Callahan
Good ol' American boy! Can't wait till the 2014 Olympics when he'll be leading USA to a gold medal! (Gary Bettman has to allow the NHL players to participate in the Olympics!! He just has to!!)

Brad Richards
I didn't expect to like Richards very much, but he seems to be a great teammate and leader. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing him talk shit to Tom Sestito, telling him that playing in the NHL must be like "fantasy camp" for him. ZING!

There are other moments in the series that I really enjoyed such as, chirping between the players, chirping with the refs, seeing Marian Gaborik carry home a Christams tree, seeing Claude Giroux go through the concussion test, getting an inside look of the refs talking during intermission (and how sad is their "dressing room"! it looks like a large closet.), getting the audio of Laviolette & Ott's altercation, Ott telling Giroux to check for his faceoff stats, Callahan's super adorable grandmother, the look Avery gave Anisimov as he entered the Rangers locker room, every single one of Laviolette's conversations, and every single one of Torts' crazy, amped up, but motivational talks to his players.

I doubt the NHL takes the '24/7' show into consideration when they select the teams that will participate in the Winter Classic, but I hope in the next couple years to come, if HBO still does this show, that teams that haven't been on '24/7' are selected to participate so we can learn about more players and coaches. When I think about it, it does seem silly to use '24/7' as a deciding factor, but on one hand I can see the NHL viewing that '24/7' as a promotional tool and you want to feature as many players and new storylines as you possibly can. Of course I would love to see my LA Kings featured in '24/7', but I highly doubt the LA Kings will be asked to participate in the Winter Classic.  But if HBO can make the Rangers and Flyers likable, then I have no worries about future '24/7' series.