Thursday, October 10, 2013

Vigo Sutter Comments on Kings v. Senators (Game 4) - October 9, 2013

Hermano here.

The only thing that makes up for blowing a three goal lead is a ROW.  Actually, that's the second best thing.  The best thing that makes up for blowing a three goal lead is the sound of 18,118 panties hitting the floor when Jeff Carter scored his second of the night for the OT win. 

The Kings came out firing and made the Senators pay for sloppy play and bad turnovers, especially that super sweet breakout pass that went right to a streaking Dustin Brown, ready to atone for his ridiculous goalie interference penalty.  Typically, I've usually seen Brown shoot those shots wide right (for another sweet breakout pass) or right into the goalie's chest.  But every once in a while, he'll rip a shot like he did, a far post snipe, and I'll suddenly say "Oh, so that's why he's in the NHL."

But forget about the game.  Analyzing this game will only make me more depressed as to why we're not scoring goals on every shift and, more frighteningly, why we're giving up so many goals. 

So instead, let's talk about an old joke made by The Royal Half that somehow popped right back into my brain after reading the post-game quotes. 

With that, I'd like to introduce a new feature here on Waving Back at Gretzky.  When I can (which, unfortunately, won't be as much as I'd like), I'm going to pull the best quote from our fearless coach and pair it with how I think he viewed his players' performance.  Let's see what Vigo Sutter had to say:

Vigo Sutter on the Senators
[Bear with me as I continue to attempt designing a logo for this site]
Many thanks to Congress for this prolonged government shutdown so I can start learning how to use photoshop.  My friends are all about to be in big trouble.

Much love till my next post.  Go Kings Go!


Thursday, October 3, 2013

It's TIIIIIIIIIIIIME for Kings Hockey!!!

Game 1 – LA Kings v. Minnesota Wild

Hermano here.  And it's good to be back.

We’re live here at Casa Spreewell.  I’m joined by my two cats who simply cannot give a shit that today is the season opener for the LA Kings.

I'll be updating this post as each period ends, so feel free to F5 this whenever you want.  GO KINGS GO!!!

First Period:

Minnesota, garnering old KNAC music for their intro.  I feel like this is the stuff they play for the World Air Guitar Championship.

I love Minny’s new 2013-2014 slogan: IT’S ON!  What’s on tap for next year, “VEGAS, BABY!”? What about "IT IS so ON!"?

I’m really not loving that Verizon commercial where people try to deduce the coverage maps of various carriers.  Mostly because that lame chick at the end looks like a reject from Rock of Love.

Dustin Brown on the third line?  I’m looking forward to Dwight King’s -3 and Dustin’s return next week.  Wait, erase that jinx right now.  My bad.

Glad to see Jonathan Quick’s new profile picture no longer makes him look like a homicidal teenager. 

Woah, HAPA ALERT behind the Wild’s bench!

Well this is going to be a very long season.  Whatever, we’re more of a third period team.  Or, we’re more of a “Review from Toronto” kind of team.

I love the announcer: That does not look like a deliberate kicking motion.  [Backtracks upon seeing the replay.]  Sigh, Free Bob Miller & Jim Fox!

Looks like Matt Cooke played a lot of soccer in the offseason.

This is such bullshit.  I hate you Toronto – we give you Leiweke, we give you Bernier, and you still manage to screw us.

I still can’t get past this – in what planet does turning your foot for the purpose of deflecting the puck into the net is not classified as a “distinctive kicking motion”? 

How much are we paying Jeff Carter again?  I’m fine with giving him an unsolicited 10-year extension.

I love it – puck gets deflected over the glass, play is blown dead, and Backstrom does some practice butterflies to stay loose.  It’s like a batter taking practice swings in the on-deck circle, only slightly more ridiculous.  Hey, if it works for him maybe it’ll work for me later tonight in my beer-league game?  We’ll find out.

Surprised Toronto hasn’t called to reverse the delay of game penalty against the Wild.

You know how this is gonna be a good year?  (1) Doughty scores in game one; (2) the Kings score on the power play; (3) Doughty isn’t rocking ten pounds of extra greasy hair weight.

Don’t we have approximately 20 defensemen on the roster?  It looks like we’re playing all forwards today.  What a joke – I hope Quick is ready to face 50 shots a night.

Wow, close call – Fraser almost pulled a Derek Sutton, falling to the ground without his helmet.  I guess that makes Ballard the new Carl Racki, but way less better looking. 

Attention Minnesotans – is that hapa girl behind the Wild’s bench a “Minnesota 10”?  I’ve never been to Minnesota and, consequently, judge their women as they appeared in Fargo.

Backstrom still practicing his butterflies after the play is blown dead.  What a champion.

Can we get an asterisk next to Cooke’s name for that first goal? 

Quick takes a hard shot off his shoulder – and I’m seriously holding my breath until I hear there’s no collateral damage.

Clifford with the Kings’ second boarding penalty.  Offensive penalties are simply recipes for bad karma.  Like, you know, another goal off someone’s foot.

Serious question – is our defense atrocious or is Minnesota really good offensively? 

Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Clifford.  And what the fuck are three guys collapsing on the puck while killing a penalty?  I know Doughty doesn’t have his stick, but that doesn’t mean two more need to help out.  I’d like to blame Regehr, but it was Richards’ man. 

Brown getting booed by the crowd.  I love it – I hope Brown scores and then immediately points to his elbow.  And then maybe a throat cutting gesture, just for good measure.  Or maybe an Arron Asham “go to sleep” gesture, just in case those Minnesotans don’t get it. 

Commentary about Matt Frattin’s move from Toronto (saying it’s “a big city”) to LA, specifically Manhattan (saying it’s “a small town”).  I think the editors left out Frattin’s additional comment about how Manhattan is “MILF central.”

Ugh, and that’s the end of the first.  It’s still 1-1 in my mind.  See you in a few for the second period.


Second Period:

Jeff Carter open net miss.  Jeff Carter hasn’t failed to score on something that wide open since his first visit to the Lilith Fair.

FIGHT!  I don’t know why, but it never ceases to amaze me when Kyle Clifford fails to completely wreck someone’s face in a fight.  Doesn’t the guy just look like he can put his fist through your face?  And yet it doesn’t happen?  Maybe I should sent Clifford a copy of my favorite martial arts movie, Bloodsport.  WWJCVDD?

I keep forgetting that Minnesota was a playoff team last season.  I keep thinking they’re bottom of the barrel – but I think I’m just remembering the Zidlicky years.

I hate to say this, but our defense is atrociously suspect.  Failing to pick up the trailer, getting burned on the wings, not blocking enough shots.  It’s like we’ve got a Stanley Cup hangover despite winning the Cup last season.  (Wait, I should stop bitching – I’m on Year 2 of my 5-Year Grace Period from bitching about the Kings.) 

/marks “X” on October 1, 2017.

Halfway through the second period and the Kings only have 9 shots on goal.  I’m really looking forward to more Backstrom practice butterflies during breaks. 

Uh oh, the wife is home – what’s the over/under before she demands to watch something else?  I’m putting the line at 45 seconds.  Any bets?

Yup, still need subtitles for Sutter bench interviews.  “If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”

True to form, it appears the LA Kings still take periods off.  I’m just hoping they’re taking this second period off and not both the second and third.

Richards is definitely not looking like he deserves a spot on the Canadian Olympic roster.  So, naturally, I hope he makes the squad.  Win-win!

Sweet, another offensive-zone penalty.  Surprise surprise, Kyle Clifford!  Stop trying to make “Fetch” happen, Cliffy.

I feel like I’d make fun of Niederreiter’s name more, if the Niedermayer brothers never existed.

This period cannot end fast enough.  And if you picked “Over 30 seconds,” then you just won some money.

Bleh.  I’m hoping Sutter lights a fire under these guys.  No passion, no power, no perseverance, no pride, no… nothing.  Let’s start the season off with a win, boys.  Change it up in the third.  We’ll see.

End of the second.


Third Period:

Commentary about how guys might be giving something extra to show they can make an Olympic roster… I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MIKE RICHARDS!!!

Yes!  Backstrom dead whistle butterfly drops!  Double-yes, playing the puck with your hands on the faceoff penalty against Minnesota!!  Triple-yes, Jamie Kompon not in charge of the LA Kings’ power play!!!  (zero shots on goal)  “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

Hey Fantasy Hockey Commissioner, do we get points if Ryan Suter holds the Kings to no shots on goal during a penalty kill?  Asking for a friend.

Fine, an easy joke: The Kings know this isn’t a preseason game, right?

It’s not a good sign when your first line is playing like they’re in slow motion, right?  And that leads to a sweet slashing penalty off a dumb turnover.  Man, how does that slash not amputate a limb?

Hrrrrm, halfway through the third period and the Kings are no closer to putting any offensive pressure on the Wild to steal this game.  Are the Kings playing the second half of a back-to-back series?  This is a joke.  Thankfully there are 81 more games to find our fire.  Actually, thankfully we don’t look as horrendous as the Ducks.  Did you see that game last night?  What an embarrassment… for pretty much everyone including the center divider. 

Oh man, finally.  I was about to rip Regehr for blowing the initial pass from Richards… but then he goes and TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF  Well, sort of – it’s all thanks to Jeff Carter.  He’s on pace for 82 goals.  Just like Doughty.  But it’ll be tough to beat Ovechkin’s projected 2,492,113 goals for the season.

I can’t take any more of these penalties.  I’m switching to the Dodgers ga….HOLY SHIT, 5-1, bases loaded, 1 out!!!  Strikeout.  Crap.  Okay, back to the Kings. 

Wow, Quick… holy shit…. heart attack… no stick… scrum in front.. everyone down… clears it outta the zone.  It’s definitely time to change my boxers.  Trevor Lewis with the monster save – he must’ve been watching Backstrom do his butterfly drops during the breaks, because that was PERFECT form.  Is it sad that I keep thinking Lewis signed with Vancouver?  I know, I know, it was Richardson.  So, basically, I wake up every morning thinking “Oh thank god Trevor Lewis is still with the Kings.”


I could really use a Doughty end-to-end right about now.  That’s like saying “Right now would be a perfect time for an interception returned for a touchdown” when the ball is on your 10 yard line.  Apples and oranges, you say?  Hey look, this OT is brought to you by Advil!


Remember when Quick was unstoppable in shootouts?  Remember when Jarret Stoll was absolutely money in shootouts?  Well, we’re about to find out if they can recreate the magic.

Parise: Sweet move, bro.  Fake to the backhand to go tweeners?  Nice try.

Kopitar: Dirty move, unreal.  Man, Backstrom plays his shooters really deep in his crease.

Koivu: Sweet techno pump-up music.  Even sweeter poke check.  Perfectly executed.

Carter: We’re officially calling that move “The Carter.”  Forehand, backhand roof, celly.  Kings win.

Final thoughts: Let’s be honest here, the Kings stole this victory.  They played like absolute dogshit for the entirety of the second and almost all of the third period.  I really hope it’s just a matter of shaking off the cobwebs.  What really concerns me is that Justin Williams is the only guy on our top line playing like he belongs there. 

But two points is two points.  And now we’re two points ahead of the Ducks.  But that’s not saying much.

Much love till my next post.  Go Kings Go!