Kings v. Ducks (Third Period) - Live Blogging!

(Second Intermission)

Stoll’s grandmom is awesome – she reminds me of Happy Gilmore’s grandma.  “You didn’t pay your taxes, grandma?!”

These “Secondhand smoke is a killer” commercials are awesome – I wish my secondhand smoke morphed into a hot chick with jugs who immediately performs a striptease.  Too much to ask?  

(Third Period)

Okay, that’s better – I’ve got my replica Stanley Cup Champions ring on, which means it’s time to win.

Bob talking about Teemu being 42 and still rocking.  Wife asked if he’s the one Duck I actually like.  Yes, it’s really difficult not to like Teemu, especially if you were collecting hockey cards back in the day and was stoked to get a Teemu Upper Deck rookie card.

Sweet giveaway by Nolan on the 2 on 1.  Come on, Nolan, just rip it, like your fists.

I’d like to modify Bob Miller’s pronunciation of Jonathan Bernier to “Beyrn-neeyay.”

Hiller giving up the juiciest rebound off Kopitar’s shot – and just stays in the butterfly, waiting for Brown to shoot it.  Jim Fox calls Hiller’s movement “calm and relaxed” – I call it “Derrrrrrrpppp…”

                                                                  

Penner has been absolutely invisible since drawing that penalty in the first period.  So has Lewis, Clifford, Carter, and Fraser (not surprising). 

Kopitar with a rare two-penalty game.  Not his finest effort to say the least.  I think he’s just pissed that Bobby Ryan hasn’t said Hello since the puck dropped in the first period. 

Sutter with a classic open-mouthed blank stare from the bench – I think he’s wondering who’s that guy with the white mask in the Kings’ net.

[resisting all urges to comment on Anaheim’s power play…]

My buddy’s girlfriend was a Ducks fan.  I’m so glad they broke up.

And there it is – what a joke.  Bernier stopping the first shot and our defense completely unaware that it’s their job to clear the rebound.

Sweet, the Kings have called a “hat trick timeout” to find out what the fuck is going on.

My god, those are some BOOTY SHORTS on that Ice Girl!  Might have to take a bathroom break right now.  

Bernier Analysis – When our defense lets quick forwards blow by them on the wing, Bernier challenges that forward by coming out of his crease, moving laterally.  The problem is that he’s not quick enough to recover should the forward slide the pass back to the slot.  We haven’t been burned yet, but this might come back to burn us.

Penner with a shitty penalty.  Sutter should just tell him to go straight to the locker room.  The Tale of Two Penners continues.  Can someone tell him that the playoffs start next week?  While you’re at it, can someone tell Brown that there are trade rumors floating around?  Thanks.

Bobby Ryan really selling that slewfoot.

Patrick O’Neal with the NHL injury report.  Michael Chiklis and some skinny Asian dude in the background.

Scuderi with a monster block that probably would’ve shattered a normal person’s leg into a billion shards.

Do you want to know why our penalty kill is sucking balls?  The penalty kill is all about putting pressure on the puckholder – which requires the killers to skate hard and force bad passes.  “Active sticks” is what Jim Fox likes to call it.  Unfortunately, the Kings look like they ran marathons right before the game. 

Drewiske, after taking a puck to the face, shaking it off like a man.  

Bernier almost getting schooled by Selanne while holding the V-H position. 

And just like that, there’s six minutes left.  Hiller doesn’t really deserve this win – instead of a “W” the statistician should give Hiller a “PiN” – Participated in Net.

Ducks are playing “prevent D” right now.

Doughty with a monster shot, blocked by Allen (in the back!) – were it anyone else, they’d be paralyzed.

Upcoming schedule – meh, whatever.  Not looking forward to the Detroit-St. Louis back-to-back.  Can’t wait to see some JMFJ jerseys.

Wow, pulling Bernier with 2:50 left?  In the words of Teddy KGB: “Veeeeeeeeeery aggyresssssive.”

Selanne with an empty netter.  Game.  Blouses.

Well, unless Nolan unleashes some more NOLANFISTS, that’s it for tonight.

Final thoughts:

Kings looked winded and, at times, drunk.  The first period was a joke and we were flat-out lucky to keep it respectable throughout the entire game (until Bonino’s hat trick).  Our defense is atrocious and we were completely exposed by forwards taking it behind the net with speed and finding the creeping forward at the top of the crease.  Hiller sucks, so that’s a relief, but he was better than Quick/Bernier.  This is another one of those “sleep it off and skate hard in practice tomorrow morning” type of games.  What a joke – these are the Stanley Cup Champions?  I keep having to remind myself that we’re fielding essentially the same fucking team (minus Greene and Mitchell – HUGE losses at the blue line) as we did last June.  It’s not like Chicago, who had to blow up their team after they won.  It’s the same guys sucking wind, failing to clear pucks, failing to block shots (except for Doughty and Drewiske’s face), failing to pick up the crashing forward, taking stupid offensive penalties, and just quitting.

We’ll see what kind of team shows up on Tuesday in Columbus. 

Things I’m thankful for: Not having to listen to Brian Hayward for 3 hours.

Much love till my next post.