Saturday, February 2, 2013

Kings v. Ducks (Second Period) - Live Blogging!

(First Intermission)
Oh man, Bobby Ryan and Kopitar “texting every day since they’ve been back [from Sweden]” – awwww, that’s sooooo sweet.  I’m thinking they should buy each other those awesome 2” x 3” Valentine’s Day cards and include some “Be Mine” sweethearts candy.  Shit, Valentine’s Day is approaching – time to get serious.

Damn, it’s the “DAVE” commercial.  I never saw that ginger-Dave on “These are the Daves I know” from Kids and the Hall, so I refuse to acknowledge ginger-Dave’s existence.

I don’t get it – Jim Fox and Bob Miller CONSTANTLY flash their Stanley Cup Champions ring (as they should!), but Daryl Evans keeping it bare. 

(Second Period Starts)
Allll right, time to start the second period.  Kings with the 5 on 3 advantage for the next 50 seconds.  In other words, time for the Kings to shoot the puck wide for the next 50 seconds. 

What a beauty.  Brown untouched in front and calmly collects the rebound.

Boudreau has to pull Hiller – he looks awful.  On second thought, just kidding – don’t listen!!!

Wow, Hiller still in net.  Thanks!!!

Woah, Bob dropping the old-school “Mighty Ducks” line! I like how he chuckled after that gaffe.

Jesus, when was the last time Hiller collected a rebound?  Did someone tell Hiller during warmups to cross his eyes, and then smacked Hiller in the back of the head?

Man, left-handed goalies freak me the fuck out.  That’s mostly why I absolutely HATED the Mathieu Garon era – well, also because he sucked. 

Holy shit, Nolan is REPPING INDIAN LAND!!! What a badass – Nolan throwing some serious haymakers, but Allen on his knees still throwing back.  Great fight.  Westgarth-WHO?

Fowler doing his “stand up quick after soaking in the hot tub for 30 minutes and pass out” impression.

I’m convinced someone told Doughty that the voters for the Norris Trophy are in attendance today.  He is playing like a man possessed.  Like Forrest Whitaker in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Bernier calmly stoning that breakaway attempt.  No rebound.  Hiller is jelly, brah!

I can’t tell if our defense is simply terrible today, or if our forwards aren’t backchecking worth shit.  I think it’s the latter.

I really think Bob Miller is LOVING the fact that Jon Bernier is in net – mostly so he can use that faux French-Canadian accent in pronouncing it “Ber-neeyay”…

Drewiske almost getting burned on a through-pass, but saved by the linesman. 

This game is getting dull – is Nolan out of the box yet?

Sloppy play by the Kings leading to a near scoring chance on the wraparound and a terrible penalty by Kopitar. 

Good to see Anaheim’s power play is worse than ours.

Man, I forgot how awesome Ber-neeyay is.  Well, maybe it’s not so much him but his white mask. 

Fuck, shame on me for talking trash about Anaheim’s power play.  That one barely trickled in.  My worst nightmare has come true – there has been wayyyyy too much Bro Hymn lately.  Seriously, how did that one trickle in?  Tuck that armpit in, bro!

Well, if I’m Dean Lombardi, I’m keeping Bernier and letting him go for nothing – Sutter isn’t going to start Bernier enough for interested suitors to get a good idea of what they’re getting and, therefore, won’t pay the price we’d want.  So, F it – let Bernier back up Quick the rest of the season and then set him free into the wild.

Is it just me or is Carter just going through the motions? 

Doughty slamming his butt end into the floor – I’m loving the intensity.  Then again, it’s the only display of intensity (other than NOLANFISTS) from this pathetic Kings team.  What a joke of a second period. 

Time to start knocking on Hiller again – although, before I start, I think I’ll give him credit for being the first(?) goalie to rock the gold cage. 

Carter getting his helmet knocked off and then sweeping it into Hiller’s net – that was awesome.  Almost as awesome as the Kings giving up another gimme to Souray right out of the box.  Tie up that fucking trailing forward, for fucks sake.

Wow, I haven’t seen a Kings goalie stickhandle with ease since…

And just like that, Williams goes top cheese and we’re tied!!!

My god, what a bounce – but it’s still Hiller’s fault for not sealing the top shelf (or even the top HALF of the goal) off the post.

Annnnnnddddd, there’s the usual display of stickhandling by a Kings goalie!  Here’s hoping our penalty kill unit blocks some shots this time around – rather, someone other than Norris-contending Doughty.

Hey kids who are budding goaltenders: DO NOT pay attention to anything Jonas Hiller is doing right now.

[resisting urge to talk shit about Anaheim’s power play…]
My god, I can’t believe I just did that – what a monster shot by Palmieri (WHO? That’s definitely a deli meat).  Shame on us for not clearing the puck when we had the chance, again. 

Well, if there’s one thing we’re really good at, it’s making Hiller give up awful rebounds for goals…

I think someone switched Hiller’s contacts with contacts to use at 3D movies. 

Speaking of jinxing things, 2:26 to go in the second and no requests to stop watching TV.  This is awesome.

Listen, if the Kings were coming off an OT thriller from Friday night, I wouldn’t feel too bad about the way we’re skating.  But we look slow, out of sync, and pathetic.  Only Hiller is saving us from ourselves.

And that’s it for the second. 

More to follow…

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