Kings v. Ducks - Live Blogging!

Hermano here.
 

We’re live from the Hermano Spreewell household.  The beauty of being married is that you live with someone who has a much better memory.  The over/under for when I’ll be drawn away from the game to complete some long-forgotten chore is probably 6 minutes into the second period.

Thankfully, I don’t have to do the “pause the game, turn on IHeartRadio, and attempt to sync the game with Nick Nickson and Daryl Evans” veteran move, on account of Fox Sports showing the game on two channels.  I’d like to thank everyone for petitioning their Congressman for convincing Fox Sports that Kings fans would rather “watch” the game on AM 1150 than listen to Bryan Hayward.  Now I know how Lakers-haters feel about Mychal Thompson.

We’re under way!

Woah, Penner with an early shot attempt (that went wide), trying to show everyone he hasn’t lost any steam after sitting in the nose bleeds for three straight games.

I see Sutter has rewarded Mike Richards for his beautiful shootout goal by starting his line.

I’d better not hear Bro Hymn in the next three hours.  Seriously, Warchild.  Isn’t Pennywise from Hermosa?  Shame on you, Orange County.

I hate the Ducks, but mostly for two reasons: (1) Brian Hayward is the worst color commentator in the history of sports and (2) the Ducks won the Cup before we did.  That last one really bugged me prior to June.

Hiller looks rusty – that’s a good sign.

Shit.  Here we go – “WOAAAHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH, WOAHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH!”

Well, enjoy that assist, kid from the LBC.  My god, Bonino (is that a type of salami?) just smoked both Muzzin and Quick.  I think he just earned a shit-load more respect from everyone in the league.

Did our team just come from Happy Hour?  I feel like everyone on the Kings just chugged a stein of beer before warmups.

Williams – great move, great non-finish.  Kinda like his shootout attempt.

Did everyone on the Kings ingest valium?  This is ridiculous.  I’m launching an investigation – I think someone bribed the Kings equipment manager and poured liquid lead into everyone’s skates.

WOAAAAAHHHHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHH!!!!!

Speaking of ears bleeding.

I’d like to welcome Jon Bernier to the 2013 season!!!! UP THAT TRADE VALUE!!!

In all honesty, I love Bernier.  I still remember his first start in London and the sick side-to-side save he had against [insert dude from Anaheim].

Woah, since when did Bernier ditch the Reebok pads?  Let’s hope CCM is the real deal.

Are the Kings able to call a 20 minute time-out?  No?  I’d like to phone a friend, then.

Has a team ever just skated off the rink and into the locker room?  I feel like the Kings might not return to the ice after this TV time out.

Some part of me wishes Jon Quick was wearing a hat that had a photo of the Conn Smythe.  Then again, 2 goals on 3 shots ain’t exactly Conn Smythe numbers. 

Wow, we’ve got possession inside Anaheim’s zone for more than 10 seconds!

Hiller rocking a Koho stick – do they still make those?  Sick.  My first (legit) stick was a Koho.  My first non-legit stick was a Mylec, obviously.  #CaliforniaKid

Jim Fox says “People are buying in to Bruce Boudreau.”  I think that translates to: “People are learning to tune out Bruce Boudreau’s mouth-diarrhea.”

What are the odds that, after drawing that penalty, Penner goes to the bench and asks Sutter “Did you see that?”

I feel like Hiller’s eyes are seeing everything inverted.  Now, if we can only get a shot on goal…

Yup, that was pretty.  Brown with the Kings second straight goal – in two games.

I’m not sure if our power play is rocking, or if the Ducks are just atrocious on the penalty kill.  I have a feeling that question won’t be answered for another six months.

Kings tie it up.  I’m actually positive the Kings scored 5 seconds before that, so we’ll see who they credit with the goal.

See, I told you Hiller is seeing everything inverted.

Do you think Stoll wishes his hair wasn’t so curly?  Or, ladies, does that add to his appeal? 

Patrick O’Neal talking about Mike Richards and his $700 belt.  I guess you have that kind of money lying around for a belt if you wear the same Redneck Rebellion t-shirt 7 days a week.

Whenever I hear $700 belt, I immediately think about Charlie Murphy and his $500 sweater.  “I WANT MOOOOOOORE!!!”  (If you don’t know where that’s from, you’d better youtube the deleted scenes from Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories.

Sick save by Bernier, thanks to a sweet turnover by Penner.  I’ve got a man-boner for Bernier’s white mask – reminds me so much of the old school “Jason” style masks.

I’m loving the tips we’re getting in front of the net – if the Ducks allow us to stand untouched at the top of the crease, we’re gonna get a few more… unless they block 200 shots like Nashville on Thursday.

Jesus, we are getting dominated down below.  Fraser and Clifford, failing to pick up Getzlaf at the top of the crease.  Man, he skated in UNTOUCHED.  My guess is that Fraser and Clifford didn’t want to get Getzlaf’s Hair-AIDS.

[takes break to spend another $200 for tickets to win an authentic LA Kings Stanley Cup Championship ring]

This is officially the worst I’ve seen the Kings play since going up by 4 goals against San Jose in the playoffs two years ago. 

Jim Fox breaking down the Doughty-Selanne “game within the game.”  My guess is that Selanne told Doughty to stay away from his daughter.  [Checks Wikipedia – Selanne’s daughter is 6 years old… Whatever.]

Hiller looks awful.  Did everyone notice that Dan Ellis (the world’s greatest fake Twitter account) got a shutout the other day?  What a pro.  #PayThatManHisMoney

Drewiskie drawing a sweet interference penalty.  I’m guessing Beauchemin told the ref “That guy can’t even skate!”  Interestingly, that’s what the guys who play against my beer league hockey team say when we draw penalties.

End of the first.  Looking forward to 5:59 into the second period.  More to follow…