Mid-Season Check-up of the Team LA Store

You guys, have you seen what's new in the Kings section of the Team LA Store?

If you haven't visited the online store lately, then you are seriously missing out on some true gems. I have no doubt that we've recovered from holiday shopping sprees so it's time to blow our money on some hideous fan gear!

First of all, I'm truly disappointed that the store is no longer selling the Ladies Player T-Shirts. I even went to the Team LA Store at Staples Center on a random Friday during lunch and they only had the t-shirt in 2XL.....not cool. And now I can't even overpay for it online.

Instead, the Team LA Store is selling some gawd-awful shit like the "LA Kings Ladies Super Fan III Burnout T-shirt - Shield" for $41 (see below for photo). $41 for a cotton shirt! But you can actually save $7 if you buy the version with a crown on the back, Whew! $35 is so much more reasonable for a cotton shirt that I am pretty sure is of pretty shitty quality. Ask yourself this question: "Is a shield really worth $7 extra dollars?"  Or for that matter: "Will wearing the crown make you feel like a cheap ass because you couldn't fork over the extra $7 for the 'official' logo of this season?"

Don't worry male fans, the shitty overpriced fan gear isn't solely available to women. If you're a middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis wondering if you should drop tens of thousands of dollars on a sports car that you'll look utterly ridiculous driving in the hopes of attracting a younger woman, then fear not! For the low, low price of $325, you could be the proud owner of a true LA Kings leather jacket:

images taken from the Team LA Store, although if I were them, I wouldn't want the credit.  what a hot mess.

Wear it in style, old man! That is pure luscious leather. Work it! And don't be fooled by the model; there is no way someone that young and vaguely attractive would be caught dead wearing that jacket so you don't need to worry about any competition from the younger crowd.  Also, is that female model Alyssa Milano?  I can't tell because she's totally irrelevant in my humble opinion, so I'm not entirely sure what she looks like, but I do know she's been designing fan clothing for women and some of it ain't too great.

The other problem I have with that shirt is I can't tell if it's see-through or if the graphic is just messed up, because you can clearly see the model's pants through the shirt.  And what is up with the 'burnout' design.  It's hideous?  Oh, and another thing: is the shirt really black/grey on the front and then white on the back?  It's like you're wearing two completely different shirts!  You know how on 'Project Runway' when the designers put together a separates outfit that looks terrible and the judges crucify them because they don't understand the outfit and the top and bottom just don't go together and it just doesn't make sense?  That's this shirt, except that instead of worrying about your top not matching what you're wearing on bottom, the back of your shirt doesn't belong with the front of your shirt whatsoever. This might as well have been a fucking crafts project you put together.  And it'll cost you $41!!!!!  What an effing ripoff.

Ladies Hockey Fashion at Its Worst

The season is about to start! I can't even grasp my mind around the fact that it's already October! It doesn't feel like the season is about to start in just a few days because the Kings home opener isn't until October 18th, which seems so freaking far away. But with a new season about to start, you know what that means, right? It's time for all the hockey ladies to get their terrible hockey fashionwear. And I'm not talking about the pink jerseys, which are still a total jersey foul, or the $325 purse (which is still available and is soooooo worth the money) but the other shit the NHL Store and Reebok and whatever clothing brand is eligible to produce such garbage that I wouldn't even imagine could get manufactured, let alone sold at ridiculously high prices on the same websites that sell precious authentic jerseys of our beloved players.

First up we have the Ed Hardy/Xmas sweater-esque t-shirt and jersey. And the common thread (haha, didn't even mean to use a pun!) of all these items is: WHO WOULD WEAR THIS CRAP? But for this design in particular, who designed this??

and a close-up of the jersey:

A red and green version would be perfect for an ugly Xmas sweater party

I know the pattern at the chest area and at the bottom of the shirt is made up of hockey sticks, but from afar it looks like a pattern you would find on a Christmas sweater. It's like Ed Hardy and your grandmother collaborated on this design. "Let's distress the shit out of this shirt!" "Oh, but we need a horizontal pattern that is repeated across the shirt to make it look homey!"  I just don't understand why you would want to RUIN a perfectly fine jersey with this garbage!  It just makes me angry!!

And remember people, you can get this jersey or shirt at the NHL store! And if you happen to like this style, which means we can't be friends, then you're in luck because there are other equally hideous stuff for women for sale.

So after my head started to hurt from looking at what the NHL thinks women want to wear, I hopped on over to the Team LA Store website because I remembered last year they sold simple t-shirts FOR WOMEN with the Kings logo on the front and a player's name and number on the back. I really wanted a Doughty t-shirt but they never had my size.

I was elated to discover the Team LA Store finally had my size. A charcoal grey soft cotton t-shirt with the crown on the front and "Doughty" & "8" on the back. But when I went to checkout, I discovered the total cost for an effing t-shirt would be almost $50 thanks to taxes and shipping. I'm sorry. I love the Kings and I love Doughty, but I am NOT paying $50 for a simple cotton t-shirt. I might as well go to Old Navy and buy a t-shirt for $3 and find some iron-on letters and a crown and DIY.

I love this shirt! Just not for $50.

I can only hope that the Team LA Store in Staples Center carries it, but I highly doubt it. I don't understand why this style isn't more readily available for women. They have several variations for men and children, but I can rarely find any for women. It's like the whole sports clothing industry thinks that if a woman wants to wear a shirt to support her favorite team, then she obviously wants to either look like a douche or dress like a slutty hockey fan. No, no, no! That is not how I want to support my team! Babydoll tees are so out of style. So are the "college ringer" tees. I just want something slim, fitted, and cut for a woman with a design that simply states my love for the Kings.

My day browsing for a new Kings shirt didn't completely end in total failure. I did come across the best t-shirt ever:

It looks just like him!!!
I saw this the day after Doughty signed his contract so I thought it was even funnier than it probably actually is. Whoever made it needs to make another version with "I'm worth $56 million, bitches" below his face.