Kings v. Ducks (Second Period) - Live Blogging!

(First Intermission)

Oh man, Bobby Ryan and Kopitar “texting every day since they’ve been back [from Sweden]” – awwww, that’s sooooo sweet.  I’m thinking they should buy each other those awesome 2” x 3” Valentine’s Day cards and include some “Be Mine” sweethearts candy.  Shit, Valentine’s Day is approaching – time to get serious.

Damn, it’s the “DAVE” commercial.  I never saw that ginger-Dave on “These are the Daves I know” from Kids and the Hall, so I refuse to acknowledge ginger-Dave’s existence.

I don’t get it – Jim Fox and Bob Miller CONSTANTLY flash their Stanley Cup Champions ring (as they should!), but Daryl Evans keeping it bare. 

(Second Period Starts)

 

Allll right, time to start the second period.  Kings with the 5 on 3 advantage for the next 50 seconds.  In other words, time for the Kings to shoot the puck wide for the next 50 seconds. 

What a beauty.  Brown untouched in front and calmly collects the rebound.

Boudreau has to pull Hiller – he looks awful.  On second thought, just kidding – don’t listen!!!

Wow, Hiller still in net.  Thanks!!!

Woah, Bob dropping the old-school “Mighty Ducks” line! I like how he chuckled after that gaffe.

Jesus, when was the last time Hiller collected a rebound?  Did someone tell Hiller during warmups to cross his eyes, and then smacked Hiller in the back of the head?

Man, left-handed goalies freak me the fuck out.  That’s mostly why I absolutely HATED the Mathieu Garon era – well, also because he sucked. 

Holy shit, Nolan is REPPING INDIAN LAND!!! What a badass – Nolan throwing some serious haymakers, but Allen on his knees still throwing back.  Great fight.  Westgarth-WHO?

Fowler doing his “stand up quick after soaking in the hot tub for 30 minutes and pass out” impression.

I’m convinced someone told Doughty that the voters for the Norris Trophy are in attendance today.  He is playing like a man possessed.  Like Forrest Whitaker in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Bernier calmly stoning that breakaway attempt.  No rebound.  Hiller is jelly, brah!

I can’t tell if our defense is simply terrible today, or if our forwards aren’t backchecking worth shit.  I think it’s the latter.

I really think Bob Miller is LOVING the fact that Jon Bernier is in net – mostly so he can use that faux French-Canadian accent in pronouncing it “Ber-neeyay”…

Drewiske almost getting burned on a through-pass, but saved by the linesman. 

This game is getting dull – is Nolan out of the box yet?

Sloppy play by the Kings leading to a near scoring chance on the wraparound and a terrible penalty by Kopitar. 

Good to see Anaheim’s power play is worse than ours.

Man, I forgot how awesome Ber-neeyay is.  Well, maybe it’s not so much him but his white mask. 

Fuck, shame on me for talking trash about Anaheim’s power play.  That one barely trickled in.  My worst nightmare has come true – there has been wayyyyy too much Bro Hymn lately.  Seriously, how did that one trickle in?  Tuck that armpit in, bro!

Well, if I’m Dean Lombardi, I’m keeping Bernier and letting him go for nothing – Sutter isn’t going to start Bernier enough for interested suitors to get a good idea of what they’re getting and, therefore, won’t pay the price we’d want.  So, F it – let Bernier back up Quick the rest of the season and then set him free into the wild.

Is it just me or is Carter just going through the motions? 

Doughty slamming his butt end into the floor – I’m loving the intensity.  Then again, it’s the only display of intensity (other than NOLANFISTS) from this pathetic Kings team.  What a joke of a second period. 

Time to start knocking on Hiller again – although, before I start, I think I’ll give him credit for being the first(?) goalie to rock the gold cage. 

Carter getting his helmet knocked off and then sweeping it into Hiller’s net – that was awesome.  Almost as awesome as the Kings giving up another gimme to Souray right out of the box.  Tie up that fucking trailing forward, for fucks sake.

Wow, I haven’t seen a Kings goalie stickhandle with ease since…

And just like that, Williams goes top cheese and we’re tied!!!

My god, what a bounce – but it’s still Hiller’s fault for not sealing the top shelf (or even the top HALF of the goal) off the post.

Annnnnnddddd, there’s the usual display of stickhandling by a Kings goalie!  Here’s hoping our penalty kill unit blocks some shots this time around – rather, someone other than Norris-contending Doughty.

Hey kids who are budding goaltenders: DO NOT pay attention to anything Jonas Hiller is doing right now.

[resisting urge to talk shit about Anaheim’s power play…]

                                                                

My god, I can’t believe I just did that – what a monster shot by Palmieri (WHO? That’s definitely a deli meat).  Shame on us for not clearing the puck when we had the chance, again. 

Well, if there’s one thing we’re really good at, it’s making Hiller give up awful rebounds for goals…

I think someone switched Hiller’s contacts with contacts to use at 3D movies. 

Speaking of jinxing things, 2:26 to go in the second and no requests to stop watching TV.  This is awesome.

Listen, if the Kings were coming off an OT thriller from Friday night, I wouldn’t feel too bad about the way we’re skating.  But we look slow, out of sync, and pathetic.  Only Hiller is saving us from ourselves.

And that’s it for the second. 

More to follow…

Kings v. Ducks - Live Blogging!

Hermano here.
 

We’re live from the Hermano Spreewell household.  The beauty of being married is that you live with someone who has a much better memory.  The over/under for when I’ll be drawn away from the game to complete some long-forgotten chore is probably 6 minutes into the second period.

Thankfully, I don’t have to do the “pause the game, turn on IHeartRadio, and attempt to sync the game with Nick Nickson and Daryl Evans” veteran move, on account of Fox Sports showing the game on two channels.  I’d like to thank everyone for petitioning their Congressman for convincing Fox Sports that Kings fans would rather “watch” the game on AM 1150 than listen to Bryan Hayward.  Now I know how Lakers-haters feel about Mychal Thompson.

We’re under way!

Woah, Penner with an early shot attempt (that went wide), trying to show everyone he hasn’t lost any steam after sitting in the nose bleeds for three straight games.

I see Sutter has rewarded Mike Richards for his beautiful shootout goal by starting his line.

I’d better not hear Bro Hymn in the next three hours.  Seriously, Warchild.  Isn’t Pennywise from Hermosa?  Shame on you, Orange County.

I hate the Ducks, but mostly for two reasons: (1) Brian Hayward is the worst color commentator in the history of sports and (2) the Ducks won the Cup before we did.  That last one really bugged me prior to June.

Hiller looks rusty – that’s a good sign.

Shit.  Here we go – “WOAAAHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH, WOAHHHHHH, WOAHHHHH!”

Well, enjoy that assist, kid from the LBC.  My god, Bonino (is that a type of salami?) just smoked both Muzzin and Quick.  I think he just earned a shit-load more respect from everyone in the league.

Did our team just come from Happy Hour?  I feel like everyone on the Kings just chugged a stein of beer before warmups.

Williams – great move, great non-finish.  Kinda like his shootout attempt.

Did everyone on the Kings ingest valium?  This is ridiculous.  I’m launching an investigation – I think someone bribed the Kings equipment manager and poured liquid lead into everyone’s skates.

WOAAAAAHHHHHH WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHH!!!!!

Speaking of ears bleeding.

I’d like to welcome Jon Bernier to the 2013 season!!!! UP THAT TRADE VALUE!!!

In all honesty, I love Bernier.  I still remember his first start in London and the sick side-to-side save he had against [insert dude from Anaheim].

Woah, since when did Bernier ditch the Reebok pads?  Let’s hope CCM is the real deal.

Are the Kings able to call a 20 minute time-out?  No?  I’d like to phone a friend, then.

Has a team ever just skated off the rink and into the locker room?  I feel like the Kings might not return to the ice after this TV time out.

Some part of me wishes Jon Quick was wearing a hat that had a photo of the Conn Smythe.  Then again, 2 goals on 3 shots ain’t exactly Conn Smythe numbers. 

Wow, we’ve got possession inside Anaheim’s zone for more than 10 seconds!

Hiller rocking a Koho stick – do they still make those?  Sick.  My first (legit) stick was a Koho.  My first non-legit stick was a Mylec, obviously.  #CaliforniaKid

Jim Fox says “People are buying in to Bruce Boudreau.”  I think that translates to: “People are learning to tune out Bruce Boudreau’s mouth-diarrhea.”

What are the odds that, after drawing that penalty, Penner goes to the bench and asks Sutter “Did you see that?”

I feel like Hiller’s eyes are seeing everything inverted.  Now, if we can only get a shot on goal…

Yup, that was pretty.  Brown with the Kings second straight goal – in two games.

I’m not sure if our power play is rocking, or if the Ducks are just atrocious on the penalty kill.  I have a feeling that question won’t be answered for another six months.

Kings tie it up.  I’m actually positive the Kings scored 5 seconds before that, so we’ll see who they credit with the goal.

See, I told you Hiller is seeing everything inverted.

Do you think Stoll wishes his hair wasn’t so curly?  Or, ladies, does that add to his appeal? 

Patrick O’Neal talking about Mike Richards and his $700 belt.  I guess you have that kind of money lying around for a belt if you wear the same Redneck Rebellion t-shirt 7 days a week.

Whenever I hear $700 belt, I immediately think about Charlie Murphy and his $500 sweater.  “I WANT MOOOOOOORE!!!”  (If you don’t know where that’s from, you’d better youtube the deleted scenes from Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories.

Sick save by Bernier, thanks to a sweet turnover by Penner.  I’ve got a man-boner for Bernier’s white mask – reminds me so much of the old school “Jason” style masks.

I’m loving the tips we’re getting in front of the net – if the Ducks allow us to stand untouched at the top of the crease, we’re gonna get a few more… unless they block 200 shots like Nashville on Thursday.

Jesus, we are getting dominated down below.  Fraser and Clifford, failing to pick up Getzlaf at the top of the crease.  Man, he skated in UNTOUCHED.  My guess is that Fraser and Clifford didn’t want to get Getzlaf’s Hair-AIDS.

[takes break to spend another $200 for tickets to win an authentic LA Kings Stanley Cup Championship ring]

This is officially the worst I’ve seen the Kings play since going up by 4 goals against San Jose in the playoffs two years ago. 

Jim Fox breaking down the Doughty-Selanne “game within the game.”  My guess is that Selanne told Doughty to stay away from his daughter.  [Checks Wikipedia – Selanne’s daughter is 6 years old… Whatever.]

Hiller looks awful.  Did everyone notice that Dan Ellis (the world’s greatest fake Twitter account) got a shutout the other day?  What a pro.  #PayThatManHisMoney

Drewiskie drawing a sweet interference penalty.  I’m guessing Beauchemin told the ref “That guy can’t even skate!”  Interestingly, that’s what the guys who play against my beer league hockey team say when we draw penalties.

End of the first.  Looking forward to 5:59 into the second period.  More to follow…

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade Photos

I can't believe the Stanley Cup Parade was less than a week ago. Shit, the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup less than a week ago too! This week has felt so long, but maybe it's because I've been savoring every moment of the Kings' playoff run. My eyes start to well up every time I think about the playoffs and the Stanley Cup and remind myself that the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup! 

I was looking forward to the Stanley Cup parade so much and was absolutely paranoid that I might have to go on a business trip. Thankfully I was in town and was able to skip out on work early to join the fans who lined up hours before the start of the parade. 

The first thing I noticed as I walked from my office to Figueroa Street was the sheer number of police officers. It seemed a bit outrageous, but I suppose it's understandable that the City wanted to prevent a riot at all costs.

Here is a group of cops

Oh look, more cops....doing nothing.

How about some horsies? What are they called in Canada? Mounties? Hahahahaha!

Regular cops, bike cops, horsie cops. This photos is only missing the segway cops, but they were there.

If only Olympic was always this empty....

I didn't know what to expect of the parade. I've never attended a Lakers Championship parade and have never seen clips of any other NHL Stanley Cup parade. It was great to see each bus crawl down Figueroa and see the boys stand at the front of the bus. I was most touched whenever I saw a player taking photos of the crowd. I never thought about what it would be like on their side. I guess if I was in their shoes, I would have been shit-housed and on the verge of ripping off my jersey and throwing it into the crowd. But for the most part, the Kings were pretty tame....or at least they looked tame.

Trevor Lewis is obviously checking me out. (Hi, Trevor!)

Bob Miller sighting!

Alec Martinez with the perfect pageant wave.

Who knew Luc Robitaille would be the most enthusiastic person on Team Bus 6?

Team Bus 6!

Mike Richards got "thumbs-up" lessons from Bill Clinton.

Matt Greene was the rowdiest player as he held up the Cup for everyone to see.

Who the heck is the guy with the beard?

 As this bus rolled by, Kyle Clifford kept pointing at someone. I'm assuming he was pointing out his next victim because that guy is a beast and feeds off human blood.

"I'm coming after you.  Yeah, you!"

If KFC had looked to this left, then he would have seen this sign:

I am shocked. SHOCKED! that the only marriage proposal sign I saw at the parade was for Kyle Clifford. I mean, seriously, really? Clifford? I'd be scared to be left alone in the same room with him, let alone want to marry him. Dude seems crazy!

After the parade we milled around LA Live before the rally inside Staples Center started. I saw these guys and liked their signs. I think I saw some other people with them. Not sure who made them, but I think they're pretty cool, especially the side with all the names.

Thankfully, my hermano and I got tickets to the rally. Unfortunately, we were facing the backs of everyone and I don't have a telephoto lens, so all the close-ups are photos of the jumbotron. Pretty ghetto, but whatever. It's the experience that matters and believe me, it was fucking awesome!! 

It was funny watching the players walk to their seats. It's just odd seeing the players in their street clothes and being reminded that most of them are in their early 20s! They're just kids! My hermana-in-law couldn't believe how young Jonathan Quick looks and commented that he must be having a great week seeing that he won the Stanley Cup and graduated from high school in the same week. 

The players' speeches were pretty good. Dustin Penner started them off with a humorous, borderline racist speech. I don't know half the shit he said because he was trying to speech Spanish (and get approval from Alec Martinez). Drew Doughty was Drew Doughty. Not quite sure why he gave a speech. Matt Greene made fun of Drew Doughty's inability to speak eloquently for more than 5 seconds. Anze Kopitar got the fans riled up when he mentioned wanting to win the Cup AGAIN! Quick killed it by dropping an unexpected f-bomb...and then a couple more. I'm getting the sense he's one of those guys who curses every fifth word. And Dustin Brown showed how much he has matured over the years as an LA King and delivered a tremendous speech that really made me proud to have him as a captain. It's just inconceivable right now to think his name was even in the trade rumor mill this season. 

I made fun of Darryl Sutter a lot during the season. There is just something so goofy about this guy. But, you know what? He led this team to a Stanley Cup, so he can wear whatever he wants, smile however he wants, talk however he wants, make super awkward fist pumps however often he wants because he'll always go down as the Coach of the Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup Championship team!

Oh Darryl....what are you....oh forget it. You're kind of awesome.

and,

To Dean Lombardi,

You are my hero.

Thank you :)

(oh sweet Hockey Jesus, I just started crying again....)

LA Kings Stanley Cup Parade: Jersey Fouls

An emotional blubbering blog post about the Los Angeles Kings winning the Stanley Cup will come at a later date.  First up, we need to discuss the jersey fouls witnessed at the LA Kings Stanley Cup parade.

I met up with my hermano and his friends at around 6th and Figueroa a couple hours before the parade started. A bunch of Kings fans were already lined up and as we walked down a couple blocks I started noticing jersey foul after jersey foul. Since there wasn't much else to photograph, besides bored-looking LAPD officers, I decided to photograph as many jersey fouls as possible as we made our trek down Fig to LA Live.

This first photo isn't exactly a jersey foul, but the first non-Kings jersey I spotted.  Dude, seriously? A Blackhawks jersey? To a Kings Stanley Cup parade? Loser.

Again, this next one is not quite a jersey foul, but it did stop me in tracks.

 And then I felt a bit weird that I was taking a photo of a chick's ass. I just don't get this one. Why would you get "King's Bitch" across the bottom of a sweatshirt? The apostrophe also bothers me (see below for another example) because I think it should be "Kings' Bitch".  Right? It's the "Los Angeles Kings", not the "Los Angeles King".

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have labeled this post "Jersey Fouls", but I had to stop and take a photo of this "vintage" jacket.

 I've never seen this design....and I hope I never do again because it's so freaking hideous! Hahaha, it has buildings (presumably Downtown LA even though the Kings of that era played a lot closer to the beach) and it looks like there are lightning bolts or "Z"s....not quite sure what's going on. I wonder how much he paid for the jacket. Man, I should have asked him where he got it.

Ok folks, our first real jersey foul and there are two in one photo!! I was really excited to take this photo:

I think the one on the left said "C MEYER"....personal name, unacceptable. The one on the right: "THE BUN". I was stumped when I first saw it and it still doesn't make any sense to me. Please leave a comment if you know what or who that's in reference to.

With this next photo, I assume the owner is referring to Kyle Clifford because he is kind of a beast, but I'm not 100% sure since I didn't have the courage to ask her since I was worried she would turn into an animal:

 "ANIMAL"? Really? Before Kyle Clifford, Michael Cammalleri wore #13 and I most definitely would not describe him as an animal.

Here's another two-fer, but one is a jersey foul and the other is a vintage jersey (although I admit I had to look it up).

 "BIG JON" with the double zero number....*vomit*. At first I thought "JOYAL" might be a jersey foul (personal name infraction), but I looked it up and discovered Eddie Joyal was a member of the Los Angeles Kings between 1967 and 1972, so shame on me for not knowing my LA Kings history before I was born.  But seriously, that's a pretty rare jersey to be seen in LA.

I don't know what's going on here.  I assume it's a surname....or his girlfriend's name. Pretty lame without a doubt though.

I saw this "King's Cup" t-shirt a couple times and I'm convinced it's an apostrophe fail. Sure, you could say it's "Dwight King's Cup", but it's not the "King's Cup", it's the "Kings' Cup", as in the "Los Angeles Kings' Cup". I don't think this is an official NHL licensed merchandise:

Why would you wear this shirt?

 I guess at least the guy is honest about it.

The next two photos are of the same guy. First up is his tattoo on the back of his calf.

 I'm not sure how I feel about this tattoo.  It's just an odd location for it.

But nice purse, bro. 

Good times, Kings fans! Thanks for keeping me entertained during the 2-hour plus wait for the parade. Let's do it again soon! :)

A Classy and Scholarly Discussion About the Clowe Incident

Hermano here.

Looks like we've got about 19 hours before the puck drops, so let's revisit the Clowe Incident.

These are actual emails from men in their 30’s, discussing the Clowe Incident. Specifically: (1) yours truly, (2) Kings Fan Dustin Brown, (3) Kings Fan Marty McSorley, and (4) Sharks Fan, Ghost Joe Thornton. Enjoy.

[Hermano’s Note: These are actual emails between Kings fans and a Sharks fan, but edited to correct spelling and protect the identities of my compadres.]

On April 6, 2012 at 12:02 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: That fucking cunt is such a fucking disgrace to the game. That was disgusting. I have been watching hockey for 20 fucking years now. Fuck that guy. Never seen that. Fucking disgrace.

On April 6, 2012 at 12:27 a.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: A true douche

On April 6, 2012 at 12:51 a.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: It was wrong for two reasons: 1) it was outside elements affecting the game; 2) it was cheating. What a fucking disgrace. The league better suspend his ass for a few games.

On April 6, 2012 at 7:44 a.m., Hermano wrote: If the league is smart, they’ll suspend his ass for 10 games. Otherwise, what will stop anyone from doing the same thing during the playoffs or during a critical part of a game? The league would become a joke.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:30 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: No way...dirty and cheap, yes. But it was a play that impaired the players forward progress. If there were other d back it's 2 for interference. If none, a penalty shot. Refs blew the call. By your logic every too many men or interference should be a suspension. He was stupid and wrong and deserved a minor. Calling for a suspension is a bit of an overreaction.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:44 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You are a "homer" (never used that phrase before). He cheated. That breaks our sweat pants bet [Sidenote: There was a bet that the loser of the first home-and-home series would wear sweat pants to a gentlemen’s club]. Lucky for you I still am pondering wearing sweats to [Olympic Gardens] anyway.

On April 7, 2012 at 12:58 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: He committed a penalty that wasn't called... If Thornton had been tripped on a breakaway with no call would that void the bet? Your pussiness upsets me.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:08 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: You ever seen that penalty before? You ever thought of doing that in a game. Didn’t think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 1:40 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well... that doesn't really apply. Like I said, dude should've gotten a 2 for either interference or too many men. If it was a breakaway then a penalty shot. The suspension talk is crap. If this was any team against anyone but the Kings you guys wouldn't have said shit.

Backing out of this bet is like someone backing out of a football bet because the receiver didn't catch a winning TD because of Pi....shit happens. Deal with it!!!!!

On April 7, 2012 at 1:52 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] fuck you, you fucking homer. I hope Clowe gets the shit kicked out of him tonight. I’d rather have Hitler on my team.

On April 7, 2012 at 2:22 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: If karma does exist Clowe will go head first into the boards and paralyze himself. Guy is a disgrace to the game.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:17 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Hmmm... interesting comments. Every fucked up play in the history of the league and close is by far the worst and should die. Your arguments really help your case! I said it should have been a penalty.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:35 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Your email doesn’t make sense. Retype it. Obviously you have an unquenchable hunger for Clowe cock. In any event Clowe is a shit. The fact that he feigned ignorance of the play afterwards makes him more of a SLO douchebag. YOU CAN SEE HIM MOUTH "that was stupid" AFTERWARDS. Fuck that guy. Thornton called it the "play of the game." Fuck Ghost Joe. I hope the Kings play the Sharks in the playoffs. And I can’t wait for Vegas. I will turn you from Clowe cock to [my] cock.

On April 7, 2012 at 3:43 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: I think you mean Clowe vagina

On April 7, 2012 at 4:38 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Spell check... just think its funny how he is all of a sudden the dirtiest player in the league. And I'm the "homer". He acknowledged it was stupid... If you followed it he admitted yesterday it was stupid and he got caught up in the moment. He said after the game he declined to discuss it since he was tired, emotional and didn't want to dig a deeper hole. Hard for me to see why that makes him so fucked up. If that's the case each of us that has ever taken a stupid penalty should be dragged in the street and shot.

On April 7, 2012 at 4:56 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Glad you agree Clowe is a piece of shit and deserves the eventual paralysis that is coming his way. Homer douche.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:04 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: I always enjoy these intelligent discussions.

On April 7, 2012 at 5:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: After the game he denied it. Said he didn't know what reporters were talking about. Douchebag. I cant believe you are trying to downplay this. Again, have you ever seen this before? Is 2 minutes enough to deter this? If Marleau has a breakaway in game 7 with 50 seconds left and Sharks are down by 1 and nobody is around and Hartnell throws a stick at him from the bench to knock the puck from Marleau? Is that 2 minutes? Are you cool with no suspension? Is that the same as tripping?

On April 7, 2012 at 6:59 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: After the game he said he had to see a replay. The next day he said he was worked up emotionally and exhausted and didn't want to dig a hole by commenting further.

The dude fucked up... but using your analogy if a dude had a breakaway and someone threw their stick worst case is a penalty shot as long as it was a clear path. 2 minute interference if not. No way for a suspension.

I agree it should have been a penalty... so does he. Has there never been a non-call in this league?

The suspension talk is the only homer thing about this. If this was Kopitar doing it to Getzlaf would you be set on a suspension??

On April 7, 2012 at 7:17 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Absolutely. No place for cheating in game. Suspension talk only homer thing about this? People get suspended all the time to deter conduct outside the normal code of the game. Is this outside the normal code of the game? I still am waiting for you to answer my questions: 1) have you seen this before; 2) have you ever thought of doing this in a game before?

On April 7, 2012 at 8:00 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Just to be clear... If Kopitar did the same thing to Thornton you all would call for a suspension?

To answer your question... I haven't seen it, but I've seen much worse and more dangerous stuff. Would I do it? Why does that matter? Does Shanny consult me on suspensions? To that fact, the first question is irrelevant too. The fact is that it was a minor penalty that was missed. Even he admits it and said it was stupid.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:40 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: If Kyle Clifford did it to anyone on the Sharks I would think it despicable. It is despicable. If Kopitar did it, I would think it is despicable. Because it is despicable regardless of who does it. Your homer brain is having a hard time separating infraction from person. I asked if you would do it because the answer is no. You know it is wrong. You never would do it. This email chain is about whether it is wrong and worthy of supplemental discipline. This email chain never has been about whether we actually should penalize Clowe. None of us have the bat phone to Shanahan. If you are to frame the issue to be "whether we should suspend Clowe" then yes, [Ghost Joe], both questions are irrelevant. But that is not the discussion. The issue is whether that conduct should be deterred. Particularly when a penalty is missed, the league will hand out supplemental discipline. You are right, Clowe (eventually) admitted it was stupid. So is his admission of guilt enough to deter such actions in the future? Only a homer would think so.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:45 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: Actually I realize that this conversation is irrelevant. [Ghost Joe] is going to defend his little bitch until the end and I will bastardize him. The end.

On April 7, 2012 at 8:57 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, no. I wouldn't do it. But it does not deserve extra discipline. It is insane you guys think this is suspension worthy. Missed call at best.

On April 7, 2012 at 9:51 p.m., Hermano wrote: [Ghost Joe], you're absolutely wrong. It is suspension worthy just like Shanny handing out games for chicken-winging a dude is suspension worthy. Both are designed to (1) prevent future incidents by punishing the individual and (2) protect the integrity of the game. People wouldn't watch hockey if goons were throwing elbows into superstars on the reg and people won't watch hockey if little bitches like Clowe interfere with an odd man rush while standing on the bench. At the very least, the integrity of the game has been compromised and Clowe should be suspended accordingly. I hope your Nor Cal brain can comprehend that principle.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:02 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: So I'm trying to type this with no bias at all..... I agree that it obviously should have been a penalty (either an interference and/or too many men). If they would have found a way to bump this up to a 5 minute major although I would have been upset as a Sharks fan I wouldn't be able to argue at all. A penalty shot I couldn't see because he didn't have a clear path and you see guys interfered with all the time that get just a minor called when they had a breakaway.

As for the suspension, I agree with you on your first point (prevent future incidents). This could have been a situation to set the bar and prevent future occurrences. As far as the integrity of the game, that has been under constant evaluation and scrutiny these past few years. Head shocks, blows to the back, fighting, etc. They are actually changing the game to evolve to the present. Not that Clowe's play falls in to that category, but to say Shanny is only suspending people to protect the integrity is false..... it is for the safety and protection of the players and the league (ie, NFL).

For example, if a player had a breakaway and a D-man threw his stick to try to stop that how would that be called? A Penalty Shot, right? Worst case an interference. That hurts the integrity of the game... throwing your stick to prevent a goal attempt but no one would dare talk suspension. It happens multiple times each season. That is why I think Clowe should have had 2 for interference and 2 for too many men (since he was a 6th man interfering). The suspension talk just baffles me.

Should be some fun playoffs.

On April 9, 2012 at 6:47 p.m., Hermano wrote: Let me answer your question with another question. If a coach threw a stick on to the rink, would you call it a minor penalty? Too many men on the ice? Interference? Unsportsmanlike conduct?

Wikipedia "Tom Webster (ice hockey)" and let me know how many games the league suspended the Kings' former coach.

You may try to distinguish that incident by arguing that he (Webster) did not interfere while the play was in action - but that only supports my point: whether someone interfered with the play or not, a classless act that does not belong in hockey should be punished with a suspension. A suspension should have been doled out to Clowe to prevent future incidents and protect the integrity of the game. The league CANNOT devolve into a game where we simply assess 2 minute (or 4 minute) penalties for completely classless actions, like (1) coaches throwing sticks onto the ice, (2) chicken-winging a dude in the face, (3) intentionally interfering with the play while on the bench, etc.

I know you're realllllllly reaching into your brain for justification why no suspension was issued, but just admit that the league fucked this one up.

Go Kings Go.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:00 p.m., Kings Fan Dustin Brown wrote: [Ghost Joe] if you mention Clowe in Vegas I will punch you in the vagina.

On April 9, 2012 at 7:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Go suck on Clowe's clitoris for awhile.

On April 10, 2012 at 3:06 p.m., Ghost Joe Thornton wrote: Well, obviously they fucked up in not calling anything and I do agree that it was a dirty play that warranted some sort of penalty.

My only issue with a suspension is that there really is no precedent and you can draw parallels to an interference or too many men penalty and if you go down the path of suspending this how do you draw the line? If a player leaves the box 2 seconds early is that a suspension? If there is a too-many men that interferes with a play is that a suspension?

Regardless, the league did nothing and I'm sure if the Kings and sharks meet in the playoffs Clowe will be targeted, which he deserves. I actually hope that series happens because it means both teams will be in the WC Finals.

Go Sharks!

On April 10, 2012 at 3:39 p.m., Kings Fan Marty McSorley wrote: Guess you never got to that Wikipedia page.

--

CONCLUSION:

In the words of Ray Finkle’s mother, I hope the Sharks die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. But honestly I’d love to meet them in the Western Conference Finals and destroy the living shit out of them. A sweep would be just as sweet.

Big game tomorrow – and the 2012 Canada Hate-Fest begins tomorrow.

Much love till my next post.

2012 Canada Hate-Fest Begins in 2 days

Hermano here.

In two days, for the next 4-7 games (and maybe more if I’m/we’re incredibly lucky), I will boycott all things Canadian. I will do nothing but bash Canada and ruthlessly make fun of every single Canuck out there.

In preparation for this incredible hate-bashing, I listened to “Everything I do” by Bryan Adams 5 times on the way to work this morning. And 4 times on the way back home. I air-guitared that killer air guitar riff right after “you can’t tell me, it’s not worth trying for…” all 9 times today. I screamed at 9 different cars: “YEAHHHHH, I’d fight for you…” Basically, I got myself prepared to absolutely loathe that song for the next few weeks. It’s time to seek revenge for the 2010 Kings v. Canucks series.

My analysis of the 2012 Kings v. Canucks series? Four things must happen in order for the Kings to upset the Canucks and move to the next round. But before we get into those four things, let’s get sidetracked.

Generally, I think Canada is pretty all right. I’ve been to Vancouver and Toronto, and have desires of snowboarding in Whistler, gambling at my buddy’s dad’s casino in Edmonton, and attending a bachelor party in Montreal. I have no desire to visit Ottowa for some unexplained reason. I would love to live in Toronto and follow and write about junior hockey for an entire year. I would love to hang out with Kelly Hrudey and have him autograph some memorabilia.

Despite all of this, I will proceed to ruthlessly make fun of Canada for the next 4-7 games, starting on Wednesday.

There is still a bitter taste in my mouth after the Canucks came to Staples Center and dominated the Kings to end their 2010 Cup run. What sticks out most from that series? Two things, actually. The first is Mikael Samuelsson putting on a fucking sniping clinic. The second is how they took one of my favorite bands and played one of their songs after each goal. I wouldn’t really mind if they chose to play Shania Twain’s “You’re still the one” or Bryan Adams “Summer of ’69.” I wouldn’t even mind if they rocked Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi.” Seriously. But playing “Holiday” by Green Day absolutely infuriated me.

Oh wait, I forgot about the hissy fit Ersberg threw after getting a taste of playoff hockey.

[Don’t let your career hit you on the way out]

Thankfully Samuelsson, Ehrhoff, and Demitra (RIP, brotha) are gone. So is Wayne Simmonds, regrettably. JMFJ, although fun to watch when his shot actually hit the back of the net, can take his -5 for the series and enjoy watching the Red Wings on TV.

I don’t follow the Canucks, so I’m not going to go up and down their roster and pretend to know who is a key addition to their team.

I will say that #26 for the Kings is a dramatic upgrade from #12. What a joke – how could we possibly break out of the first round with Randy Freakin’ Jones on our team? Does it scare anyone that he was one game away from playing in the 2011 Stanley Cup finals? I just hope I don’t find myself saying “Number 27 has no fucking business being on this team” this year. We can go on and on about whether Penner or Richardson deserves the final spot once Carter comes back; but for me, the true question is whether numbers 26 and 27 will elevate their game starting Wednesday.

Oh, and whether number 7 will stop deflecting the puck into his own fucking net.

You know what I’d really like to see? Kyle Clifford becoming a man-beast just like last year’s series against the Sharks. But we can talk about that more if/when it actually happens.

For now, the four things that MUST happen for the Kings to steal this series against the Canucks:

1. Jeff Carter needs to become Jeff Fucking Carter

There are only two people on the current Kings squad that can undress Luongo: Kopitar and Jeff Carter. Kopitar has never been a speed guy, so all the Canucks have to do is play him tight and pray he doesn’t receive any give-and-go’s. Carter, on the other hand, is deceptively fast. We all know his shot is ridiculous – probably the quickest release on the team – and he uses his speed to create space and separation from the defense. This all means nothing if he’s still injured.

2. Quick needs to channel is inner 1994 Mike Richter

Much has been said about this already. Every single Canucks fan knows this is the key to the series. If Quick wants to earn big boy money for the next 7 years, he’s gonna have to prove he can shut down the best team in the league in 7 games or less.

3. Daniel Sedin needs to wake up with a headache for the next two weeks

As a hockey player, I am incredibly superstitious. When I put on my pads, I follow the EXACT same order as always: left skate, right skate, left pad, right pad, etc. I don’t spit in my crease. I don’t shovel ice into my own goal. And I don’t make fun of an opposing player for dealing with a concussion lest someone on my own team gets chicken-winged and is unable to play the rest of the series. But seriously, though, I wouldn’t mind seeing D. Sedin staring into space while sitting on the bench – assuming he gets cleared to play.

4. Luongo needs to get shellacked in either Game 1 or 2

You know what sucks about being a goalie? Knowing that the next goal you let in could be your ticket to the bench. Last year, Luongo was the undisputed starter – but got questioned toward the end, especially during that series with Chicago. This year, Schneider has proven he deserves the starting spot on any other team (except the Kings, because we have already fulfilled the affirmative action ginger quota). If Luongo blows Game 1 or 2, everyone north of the border will call for his head. Best of all, Luongo knows this – which can’t be good for his sanity. All the Kings need to do is rattle his dome a bit and let the insecurity play itself out.

By now, you’ve probably guessed that this is all wishful thinking. Every time I read someone who predicts the Kings to win in 7, I tilt my head and say “Awww, that’s adorable.” But then I realize that I, myself, have predicted the Kings to win in 7. I’m also quite thirsty, so I think I’ll just reach over and grab my cup of Kool Aid.

Much love till my next post. Tomorrow.

1 in 176 million Chance of Buying LA Kings Season Tickets

Did anyone else get caught up in the mega millions lotto frenzy a couple weeks ago. Several coworkers and I usually chip in a few bucks each for lotto tickets once the jackpot reaches $200 million. Once the jackpot reached record numbers we couldn't help but share dreams of what we would do with our winnings.

Is it sad or impressive that the very first thing I would have bought were LA Kings season tickets? Seriously, I would have been on the phone with an LA Kings rep immediately! My husband actually took it a step further and said he would buy a suite at his favorite NFL team's stadium. A suite?!? woah woah woah....let's not get too carried away here. Maybe it's a good thing we didn't win.

Anyway, back to reality.

Do you ever look at the standings and try to figure out which teams you want to face in the playoffs and which teams you do not want to face, especially in the first round?  I definitely don't want the Kings to match up against the Canucks, Red Wings, and Coyotes.  I don't think it's possible for the Kings and Coyotes to meet in the first round anyway so that shouldn't be a problem, but I feel like a healthy Red Wings squad would demolish the Kings in the first round.  I wouldn't mind seeing the Kings face the Blackhawks or Blues and I don't have any opinion about the Predators.

The LA Kings need to clinch a playoff berth so I can figure out which playoff games I can and want to attend. I really, really, REALLY want the Kings to clinch 3rd so that (a) we have home ice advantage, and (b) we don't face the Vancouver Canucks in the first round. I don't know if I can stomach going to another Kings/Canucks playoff game in the first round.

And how sweet would it be if the Kings beat the Sharks twice in these last two games.  So sweet...

The LA Kings 2011-2012 Season Is...

...so incredibly infuriating.

This is how I have felt after watching 99% of Kings games this season:

(IMDB)

I'm about to lose it.

"All Tickets Have Been Distributed"

This season I've noticed that Bob Miller announces Kings home game "sellouts" by saying "all tickets have been distributed" for the game instead of actually saying a home game is a sellout.  There are plenty of ways for a team to distribute tickets instead of actually selling them, but I think this current method is a bit much (the red outline is my emphasis):

"Complimentary"...more like "oh shit, it's a game against Columbus! We desperately need to fill seats so please, please, please, please take these free tickets AND come to the game! Or since we're giving them to you for FREE you could SELL them and actually make money off of us!"

First game back from the All-Star break and it's against Columbus....can't say I'm thrilled and apparently neither can the LA Kings Marketing Department.